


Once a true love of mine

by Deviantstars



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Armitage Hux is Not Nice, Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Dopheld Mitaka is great, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Gingerpilot, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Not Beta Read, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Second Chances, and hates them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:22:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25360810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviantstars/pseuds/Deviantstars
Summary: UPDATED SUMMARYBefore the outbreak of the Second Galactic War, more than ten years ago Poe and Armitage met and fell in love. The brewing conflict tore them asunder and both followed their respective paths. Hux was determined to rise through the ranks of the Order convinced he could create a better world. Dameron joined the Resistance to protect the freedom he had once taken for granted.After Poe gets captured both realise that some feelings can't be repressed and a game of conviction starts. Can there be a place for them in the galaxy, or was their chance of happiness lost years ago?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Armitage Hux
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	1. Ghosts of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction and English is not my first lanugauge, but this ship has truly managed to catch my heart so here you all get my attempt at GingerPilot. The title might change and I am already working on the next chapter.
> 
> The divergence from canon begins in the backstory, as Armitage and Poe had an established relationship in the past but left each other without a formal breakup when the war broke out. The plot starts after Poe is captured on Jakku. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Hux**

He absentmindedly played with the ring as he read over the endless stream of rapports, being in charge of the construction of the largest battle station in recorded space history was often time not glamorous. He scrolled down on his pad and approved a request for more raw materials for the weapon. Even in the engineering phase of the project he had been involved and had contributed with some modifications that had improved the Starkiller design.

The true nature of his work seldom reflected the promo-tapes he had helped make for the Order. Hux demanded success both from his subordinates and himself. It could not, must not evade him this time and the date of his deadline was drawing near. Much of the work on his desk could have been delegated, and even more _had_ been. As a general he couldn’t nor had the time to know all minute details, but few things of important had evaded his careful eye. One lesson _Armitage_ had learned quickly was never to trust or share. As far as is possible and beyond all must be the fruits of his own labour, otherwise the credit and the safety he craved would escape his grasp once more.

Starkiller must be a success! His position and place in the Order depends on it, probably even his life. Hux touched the ring again and looks at it once more, like he have done a thousand times before. It had been kept in the same chain around his neck for more than a decade, cared for with a tenderness he seldom allowed himself. Once he was asked about it in the beginning, then he had simply answered that it was a trophy over his sacrifices to the Order, it was still surprising that no bigger deal had been made of it then. Now the days when people asked him personal questions were long over. One did not waste the general’s time with small talk and as long he did his work well the Supreme Leader seldom bothered with him.

Not even Ren had managed to steal that piece of information from his mind – that the bitter enemy had seen memories of the humiliation and pain Armitage by his fathers had been preferable. Now he was a new man - Hux, general Hux of the First Order and nothing else. Armitage was dead. Initially he had seen it as a temporary solution, but he had his doubts if that part could ever be allowed to resurface again. Even if the war was won. Could Armitage come to terms with what he had and would do?

The ring was the only keepsake of Armitage he had allowed himself, for it was more than an echo of his past. It was a promise and the physical representation of locked heart; it was all those things he tried not to yearn for. Poe’s laugh, Poe’s hand open his and their bodies locked in a loving embrace. Those two shore leaves between him graduating from the academy and his first day as lieutenant, had been that one perfect moment most people ever wait for. From the moment Poe had spotted him in the bar to promises and declarations of love whispered in the dark. The naïve belief that it would sort itself out and the hope that they could remain together.

Poe would never understand the sacrifices Hux had made. He had belonged to another world which had ultimately snatched him back.

His ring was all those memories and a promise neither had kept. The exchange of rings had been a tradition on Yavin 4, Poe had told him that night, and his mother’s ring had been meant for the once he loved. Armitage had no ring to give but had given in return a small keepsake from his childhood on Arkansis. _His_ only memory of his own mother had been connected to that trinket, so it had seemed a fitting trade. Even if Poe had been a bit surprised at first. The memory always left a bittersweet memory in his heart.

What had happened with his gift to Poe, Hux never could know. The war had broken out and they had been pulled apart. Neither was ready to sacrifice the side they had grown up on. Hux had been reborn that day and the ring was also the symbol of overcome temptation. His own tiny cat figurine he had clutched in his hand while Brendon had dragged him from home was probably long since smashed. Now Poe _Dameron_ was only a name in a file, still handsome but the enemy.

Hux tucked the ring under his uniform. He needed to return to the bridge in less than one standard unit, and much paperwork still remained.

-

**Poe**

Poe had held the map to Luke Skywalker in his hand so close to successfully completing his mission before it fell apart. That he managed to get both it and BB8 into relative safety was small comfort in the long run. His beloved droid, his friend hunted and alone. BB8 was somewhere on Jakku and the risk was large that the information would fall into enemy hands. Poe had to get out of here and that fast, but the torture had left him too weak to move much and almost all he could do was think. He had been similarly mentally assaulted inside his mind a long time ago, after a conflict with General Organa’s crazy son, this time it had been more painful. Yet the energy of the intruder it felt the same. At first he couldn't believe his own senses, but there was no other explanation. It must be Ben! He had to report back that Kylo Ren was Ben Solo, but a gnawing suspicion told him that Leia already knew. At first, he had raged at her in his mind. How could she keep this from them, the Resistance, and his family? Then he recognised his own guilt. Was he himself much better in the end? The replica of his mom’s ring hung heavy around his neck. A ruse to hide the painful truth, the one safely hidden behind his bright smile. Just as Leia might have done.

Armitage. The name could still cause ripples down his body, of longing, lust and an eternal ache. Most days he pushed it away but here inside a Star Destroyer it was all to easy to remember.

His eyes looked around the cell, was there anything he could see which could help him? While Poe had managed to make his way out of trouble with all his previous daring, but nonetheless improvised plans he had never been quite this stuck before. If this is what happens when you leave your lucky charm behind on base, he would never have it out of his X-wing again. He chuckled. It had been with him on all missions for years on end, but it had felt silly to put so much face in a figurine with no connection to the Force, or material value. Its colour was mostly gone, but some traces that it had ones been a tabby remained. The meaning of said cat to Poe had been a topic of interest to his fellow squadron, and all they managed to force out of him while drunk was that it belonged to someone lost forever. They could not be allowed to know, nor would they believe him that such a sweet thing was bestowed on him from the monster which hunted them through space. 

The cat was only a beacon of sentimentality he could not let go of, physically or in his heart. The original owner of it had surely forgotten him, or at least lost all tender emotions between them but Poe had yearned for more than a decade for someone should never have wanted. And had given his mother’s ring to.

Father would be heartbroken if he knew what a fool his son was and rather than owning up to his mistake, Poe had commissioned a copy of the ring, to shield his father to the terrible truth. No one seemed to have realised that deep inside the most daring of pilots was a coward when it truly mattered. Here in the dark the dread clutching his heart was all to clear. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to fully regret his decision, no one else had managed to fill the void Armitage had left behind. Many partners had come after him, but no relationship had ever lasted more than a few months. Now he had resigned himself to being the eternal bachelor, to his father’s great sorrow. All for a man who left him more than ten years ago.

Was there no way out of here?

Armitage who ought to be on this very ship. Armitage who had let him be tortured. Who never had shown his face when Kylo Ren had ripped his memories from him. How could the complex, but ultimately good man he fell in love with be who he saw in First Order promo holos? How could the man who petted stray cats be the same man that had left Poe here? The anger and hurt gives him the energy he needed to conduct a plan and look for weaker points in the structure of the cell. He must get out of here.

Poe is checking if he can escape via the vent system when the door opens and a stormtrooper bumbles in “Are you with the resistance?”

“Yes, and you are?” he looks at the trooper who can’t seem to be still.

“FN-2187, we must get out of here.”

Poe smiles back and decides to go with him, what could possibly go wrong? Somewhere deep inside he hopes that Armitage won’t be blamed when he is already long gone. But first they must find a spaceship and he always wanted to test a TIE.

-

**Hux**

Only minutes after he arrives at the the bridge Hux has already been insulted by Ren and had to suffer through his smugness that he broke the captured resistance pilot. Hux is trying to focus on how much he would like to choke the life out of Kylo Ren, but his thoughts keep returning to the pilot. He does not ask who it is. He cannot ask. He cannot risk give himself away with a mind reader nearby. Yet something tells him that it is Dameron, no one else would be so reckless and the feeling of dread crawls from his stomach to his neck and all he wants is to scream and demand an answer.

A Hux does not scream, he shows no emotion and carries himself with pride. Even a bastard like you must be better, he can hear his father’s voice to this day. He straightens his back and asks if the managed to catch a Resistance member of important rank, a prisoner from which they could extract more information. The answer breaks something in him and the entire world crashes and is remade in one single terrible second. The prisoner is Commander Dameron. He forces himself to smile and nod, this is good for the Order. All is well. 

The Order is the only thing which matters, and it does not matter that Armitage is breaking over and over again. That is not him, and there is a weapon to finish and an entire fleet under his command. He will not betray his people. The Order must be first in all things.

Instead he sends a search party after Dameron’s droid and curses whatever folly that both Ren and the Supreme Leader hunts, Luke Skywalker hid for a reason and is best left undisturbed. The ring around his neck feels heavier than ever, and he could almost feel Ren watching him from the other side of the bridge. Ren who by all right should be down there, it is his fault that the droid was allowed to escape after all. That such a spoilt and uncontrollable child has the Force at his command is just one other reason that the galaxy needs order, and an insult to all who tries to achieve it. All Hux had earned had been by the virtue of his own strength and determination.

He can not deny the importance of the memory of those haunting brown eyes though. They shone as Poe smiled and whispered, “Your father is wrong about you Armitage”. To this day Hux, despite his comet career through the Order, could never bring himself to believe it. Much as he might pretend


	2. A Second First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Finn gets a name and witnesses something he shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thanks for the comments on the first chapter, each one made me smile. Special thanks to Partialresonance, who offered to beta read for me - that would be amazing, I am trying to figure out how to pm you on this platform s we can talk. I couldn't contain myself from posting this chapter though. 
> 
> On to the story.

**Poe**

The Stormtrooper at his side seemed more nervous than Poe. Small wonder since he certainly wouldn’t have liked being caught as a First Order deserter. If such a thing had even previously existed. He realises that he actually doesn't know. What did surprise Poe was the ease with which the trooper seem to find his way around the Star Destroyer. From what Poe remembered this was not they same route his captures had taken him when he was first brought to his cell. Did the man only appear confident in this? Or did he know a faster way? If that was the cause he could be invaluable to the Resistance in future infiltration missions.

“Is the hangar this way?”, he asked in a low voice. Poe had never been the wait-and-see kind of guy. Better to just ask. It could never hurt - right?

“This is the best route if we want to avoid detection. Few uses it.”, FN-21 something said. He really needed a better name for the man. Designated numbers where not the way of the Resistance and he always found it fiendish than anyone had to be depersonified like that.

“Smart. So hopefully it will be less guarded even if they notice that I am missing. Have you served here long?”

“Take the left here - A while, am in sanitation so I know the best way. Trust me.”

Poe nodded in response and tried to repress a smile. A stormtrooper in sanitation was certainly nothing he had ever imagined - but getting a Star Destroyer this eerily clean probably demanded a large staff. Stormtroopers in sanitation. The thought both made him smile and had his stomach turn. It meant that not all were vicious killers and had the latent potential to free themselves from the shackles of the Order. It painted the stormtroopers he had killed in the past as more human then before, never having caught a glimpse under those masks had it less personal. Less processable that he had killed another person before they had only been... numbers.

Not the way Armitage had always been more real to him than to his comrades, to whom the general was only a distant monster hidden behind countless shields and layers of durasteel. They had never known that Hux had been more than the face of the enemy to him and always would be. It must have been even easier to fire on clones. The battles inside his beloved X-wing also put a distance between him and the true face of the individual pilot, the one hidden behind the mask of “the enemy”. Dogfights were easier that way. While combat produced an addictive rush of adrenaline, the killing never brought him joy.

Poe followed the man’s lead and the hope that this escape would stay simple rose within him. They had meet no one so far. The stormtrooper seemed rather competent, if scared. He needed to find BB-8 and get the map to safety. Still he regarded the trooper with some suspicion, not wanting to be led into a trap unprepared. If he only could get his hand on a blaster and preferably a ration or two, he would feel safer.

“Do you know of any, ideally poorly guarded, storage rooms between us and the hangar?”

The man stopped and seemed to consider the fastest way, if the way he turned to look at the next cross in the corridor. “Yes, I think so. This way.” He gestered to keep moving straight ahead. “Do you intend to get a disguise?”

“What?”

“Getting you in uniform wouldn’t fool anyone looking to closely at you. But it could help at longer distances” he said.

Poe considered it, it was a good plan. That he should have though of himself. “Sure.” It didn’t hurt that the uniform looked stylish.

“Having some food and water wouldn’t hurt either.” He added. Poe wasn’t letting himself get stranded on Jakku of all places without water, that would kill him sure as Ren. Or Armitage.

The troper just boobed his head and fiddled with his helmet. “We really must hurry before anyone notices that you are gone.”

**Hux**

He mentally reviewed the tasks at hand which were outside of his routine. The search party had made their way to Jakku but had so far been unable to locate the droid, he and Ren would have to brief the Supreme Leader on their progress and Captain Phasma had something urgent to report. Something about a faulty stormtrooper. Then there was the matter of Starkiller, both ensuring that the last details were finished in time and preparing for his grand speech. His crowning glory for when he would fire _his_ weapon at the enemy. No one would take that from him.

The most stressing issue was Poe. Dameron? Poe? What ever the man ought to be referred as he had gotten himself captured and brought onto Hux’s ship none the less and there was nothing he could do. The part of him which he had attempted to suppress called for him to save his… His… his previous partner or fiancée? But that was strictly impossible! Hux had not sacrificed his heart and soul on the alter of success for nothing! He could not fail in his dedication just before his greatest triumph. Starkiller would end the Cold war and make the reminder of the war short, a necessary step towards order.

Yet the only man who ever got under Armitage’s metal walls was suffering right now, something that could be stopped with a single order. Then again Snoke would not let either of them live after such a betrayal. Poe must understand this. If he even knew and cared that Hux was onboard the _Finalizer_.

As the distracting thoughts continued to grind in circles, he could almost smell Poe’s distinct scent, see the sunlight dancing over his dark hair and feel the ghost of his lips against his own. There must be a way to stay true to both parts of him. All that he had repressed over the last years threatened to break out from its restraints. Hux wondered if Dameron had ever felt this secure in his cause and in his love at once? Probably not, Poe had with all certainty taken many partners to his bed since their relation had been cut short dashing and charming like he was. Armitage had not been with anyone but Poe.

Around him everything seemed to be normal on the bridge. The same familiar sounds of machines and his subordinates preforming their duties in blissful ignorance of the struggle within their general. The meeting with Phasma might be taken earlier than planned if it remained this quiet, even if he couldn't see why she couldn't sign the reeducation camp on her own. The captain's company would nonetheless provide a good distraction. Moving it would have the added benefit of open up time to practice his speech. Hux had made holos on behalf of the First Order before, with the Supreme Leader avoiding publicity and Kylo Ren hiding behind a mask it often fell on him to be the outward face of the Order. A role which bestowed only a false sense of security since Snoke could replace him and lay all blame at his feet if the need arose. Brendol had resented him for it. No previous speech would be as impactful as this. Inspiring troops and pacifying or supporting Order affiliated planets was one thing. Presenting Starkiller to the world would be his biggest moment yet, and it had to be perfect.

How his father would have despaired if he ever had known of Poe. Unfortunately Hux had not been able to see the life leave the other man’s eyes. If he had been there the temptation to tell him would have been strong. He had been right in a way, Armitage was weak, yet he had also been slightly wrong as he had conquered his failings. Hux had stayed true to the Order - at all costs.

“Sir?” Mitaka looked uncomfortable as he approached. His presence forcing Hux out of his troubling thoughts. 

“What is it, Lieutenant?” The officer in front of him had once trembled under his gaze. If this he had not excelled at his other duties, nor been as loyal to Hux personally, Mitaka would not have gotten near his present rank. A promotion he had not regretted, despite the surprise Hux had been met with from the other officers on the FInalizer, not to mention from Mitaka himslef, when he had informe the crew of the decision. 

“We have established a temporary base planet side, sir.” the worried look on the Lieutenant's face unsettled Hux, had he let his mask slip? 

“Good, have we located the droid?” Hux did not have the patience for this.

“Not yet, sir, there is another problem though…”

Hux waited while Mitaka regained his bearing, something truly disturbing must have happened. Some confidence was sorely needed in this man, he would talk to him after this mess was solved. 

‘The prisoner has escaped. How to precede?”

For a second the sounds of the bridge were blurred out. The relief blooming up inside Hux was hidden behind a sneer. 

“Attempt to locate him, double the guards at the hangars and lieutenant” he fell silent for a moment “Send a stormtrooper to inform Ren.” A look of deep understanding passed between them before the lieutenant saluted and left of to implement the orders. The objective was now to prevent Dameron from reuniting with his droid. BB-8 if he recalled correctly, the feisty thing had taken a liking to him before Poe had proposed. Them getting along had been surprisingly important, but had later been justified by Poe with a joke along the lines of 'his favorite annoying, pale and orange friends half to get a long'. Ridiculous.

He must not allow himself to think of the past. Hope and despair battled inside him, he had to do his duty and capture Dameron and yet he wished that the man’s luck had not run out. The urge to touch the ring was strong and pretend that all was as it ought to be. Pretend that Poe could catch his reason and join the Order, see how Hux would improve the galaxy. But Hux had never been a man for idle fantasies and daydreams. 

Before the meeting with Phasma he now had to stop Kylo Ren from killing all stormtroopers in his vicinity. What a terrible waste that would be. If only the Supreme Leader could discipline his apprentice or send him far, far away.

**Poe**

The outfit was somewhat to tight over his chest and the hat slightly to big, but it would have to do. At least no one could complain about him having too big a head again. Having an healthy amount of confidence was good for you. His own precious jacket was hidden in a field bag he stole together with a few bottles of water and all the rations he could carry. He also pocketed a communicator that looked like an older model. If Poe was lucky the Resistance could find a still used frequency and listen into the First Order directly. What remained of Resistance Intelligence would know what to do. If the messages was communicated in code they would at least have something to study.

The trooper looked very relieved when they left the room. It would have been a sub optimal place to get cornered with only once entrance, not even a garbage drain. He had been raised on stories of the escape from the Death Star, one of the perks of knowing ones childhood heroes. It was not an scenario he would like to copy if it could be avoided. 

“They have almost certainly noticed I am gone now. Are we close to a hangar?”

“I agree, we must hurry.” The man’s voice had a higher pitch than before.

Poe could hear no alarm ringing, but it could be a ruse to let his guard down, the Order could be pretending that his daring escape was yet undiscovered. He believed that at least Armitage was capable of creating such ruse to lull Poe int a sense of false security. As a General Hux had acted rash at times, despite his carefully constructed facade, but Poe knew that his former partner was calculating and competent alike. The blaster he had found was comforting, but would do little against a Star Destroyer full of enemy combatants.

The turns and corridors of the destroyer felt endless and labyrinthian. It was difficult not to break into sprint and he actively had to steal himself to walk at a calm, suspicious pace. The chance of getting away undetected felt significantly lower as the minutes passed.

“FN-21 and so on? Don’t you have a name? Mine is Poe.” If the time would have allowed it, instead he simply gave the man his signature smile. 

“No, just my number.”

Oh Armitage, how can you treat these people so.

“You can’t just be called that. How about Finn?” It was similar enough. 

“Finn?” The trooper gave the name a try.

“Do you like it? Finn, nice to meet you.”

“Yeah! I like it." he repeated it to himself. "I am Finn. A name, just like the officers.” Poe could almost hear the smile in Finn’s voice and felt the growing urge to throw Hux down the garbage disposal. The bitterness at his previous partner's actions prickled at his heart. How could they be the same man? 

Silence fell after that. More people had started moving through the corridors, so Poe was now certain that his escape had indeed been discovered. A few times they had to stay and listen while officers or troopers moved through the parallel corridors. Trying to snap up some info on where they were searching for him. Soon the absence of Finn would also be noticed. They believed that the guards seemed to move in the same direction as them. A sensible thing to do. 

“We must find another way! I am going to die here.”

“Is there?” Poe spoke with his most soothing voice even as the sweat began to pour down his neck. Finn seemed to be very near a nervous breakdown. ”I believe in you, just take a few breaths. We will be out of here in no time.”

If he followed Poe’s advice or not was difficult to see under Finns helmet, but soon his shoulders lowered. “Via the officers lounge on this floor. The risk that anyone is there under an alert is small.” Finn said with a wavering voice.

“Perfect! Is that a long detour?” Finn shook his head and changed direction. It seemed like he knew the hidden shortcuts around the ship better than Poe had imagined anyone could, except maybe its commanding officer. The resistance should have recruited stormtroopers from sanitation earlier. Leia would probably approve of this newfound audience to which they could send resistance holos. A message of hope, not the self righteous propaganda the Order was mass producing. 

Poe managed to get a peak at the at present deserted officers lounge and noticed that while it kept the same sharp style as the rest of the ship, it seemed more luxurious. It even had a state-of-the-art Caf machine and what appeared to be some sort of bar. Despite it all Poe sighed. If only there had been time to fill his backpack with loot from there. First Order approved alcohol was probably far superior to what his fellow pilots distilled on base. Armitage had been picky even back in the day. Neither had he been thrilled by the combo of whiskey and caf, such a waste. 

“We must just turn here and take one of these elevators up two floors. Then we will come to a less used part of the hangar. The majority of troopers ought to be at the main entrances.”

“Finn, you are amazing!"he rushed past Finn and took the turn towards the elevator "I-” the declaration died in his throat. His eyes struggled to comprehend that the man leaning against the elevators wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Just a mere meter away from him stood General Hux. Poe had seen him so many times over the years, both in propaganda holos and in his dreams, yet it couldn’t measure up to the plethora of emotions fighting for dominance inside. The man who had been responsible for the death of Paige's parents, who had thousands of lives on his conscience if not more. Also a man who attended his first podrace with Poe and wouldn't admit he had a blast. Armitage who had all but dragged Poe to the opera. And who failed miserably at looking casual. Hux would had appeared more at ease if he had stood at attention in front of a new superior and in any other scenario it would have made Poe smile.

“I supposed I should not be surprised to find you here. You always seemed to find your way out of anything." his voice sounded tense. 

“Armitage.” The name left him without his permission as his heart hammered in his chest. 

“The disguise would not fool anyone.” Armitage eyes captured his and Poe felt how he was lost. He should lift his blaster and kill general Hux. The Resistance would be better of for it and he be hailed as a hero. This man had been responsible for so much loss of life, he fought for pure evil and still the cold man in front of him could not be distinguished from _his_ Armitage. Poe wanted to kiss him. He wanted to hurt him. Ruin that carefully styled hair and ravage him. Shake him, scream at him. Demand answers and confirmation. Drag him on to the nearest spacecraft and take him back to the Resistance. The hand refused to cooperate. Stars he attempted to move the finger resting at the trigger. It wouldn't move. Poe couldn’t kill him. He should have known that. 

All he could do was stare. Poe was only barley aware of Finn, he seemed frozen a few steps behind him trying to comprehend what was happening. The general didn’t spare him a single glaze. 

“Isn’t this how you always wanted to see me? All dressed up.” Poe threw the ridiculous hat away and attempted to find his usual tone. Never breaking contact with those green eyes he used to love. 

Something flickered in Armitage eyes. His body seemed to relax as he finally comprehended that they were here together. After all these years, at the worst possible time. But together. Together.

More than ten years worth of repressed words struggled to pass both of their lips. All else forgotten. BB-8, the war and the Resistance. Then Armitage pulled something over his neck and took a step forward. Poe could vaguely perceive Finn taking a step back behind him as the general took a second step towards them. The ring! Armitage was holding the ring and must have kept it with him. The meaning of this he could not fully wrap his head around.

Almost tenderly Hux reached out to placed it in Poe’s hand. The metal was cool against his skin, but the touch of Armitage hand, even while clothed in leather sent warm tingles down Poe’s body. His body was responding like the last decade had never been and Poe leaned into the touch.

“Come with me.” Poe whispered. He held Armitage hand, the ring pressed between their palms. Like it had been that glorious day. 

A series of microscopical expressions passed over Hux’s face, something those that had never known him might have missed. Even Hux himself might be unaware of how well his face could still be read. “Do not make me regret this.”

Leaning closer to Poe his whispered in his ear “Take elevator then the second TIE to the left, it is Ren’s personal. The shields are stronger.” The words seemed to take a toll and amuse him simultaneously. He could feel the other mans breath against his neck and the tremble in their hands.

“Keep it, it was always meant for you.” He pushed the ring back into Armitage hand and for a moment their foreheads touched and he could see straight into Armitage's eyes, but there was neither time nor place to give in to the urge to kiss him. “Thank you.” the breathless tone surprised even him.

Before Hux could change his mind Poe dragged the still stunned Finn into the elevator and pressed the correct floor number. The general hadn’t seemed to notice the other man at all until then. Something froze in his expression as longing contorted into loathing. 

The last thing Poe saw before the elevator closed was Hux securing the ring around his neck and lifting his communicator. It seemed love could only give him a certain amount of extra time, but it was more than he could have hoped for. There must still be a place for Poe in his heart and some tenderness must still exist in there. The last look aside their first encounter in years gave him hope. He would follow the given advice and take Ren’s TIE-fighter. Served the asshole right after what he had done.

“What just happened?” Finn had removed his helmet for the first time, revealing a handsome dark-skinned young man. His face covered in a fine layer of sweat and bit green around the edges.

With a pounding heart Poe answered “Later buddy. We have a ship to steal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to Kudo and comment, it makes my day!
> 
> Some thought I had while writing,  
> 1) Mitaka's characterization in most fics seems to be as a competent, but nervous man. I can't really remember if he had much of a personality in the Force Awakens, but he will be a recurring character in this fic.
> 
> 2) The chapter count has doubled and might continue to grow as both Hux and Poe has decide to do their own thing. For the moment I try to keep the heard of plotbunnies contained, but all that fits my general outline can be included. And the angst will get worse before it gets better.
> 
> 3) Realising the obvious, aka that both are a prime example of their Alignments made them easier to characterise for me. Obviously, Poe is Chaotic Good and Hux is Lawful Evil. If this actually was an adventure path the bar would have 100% been looted. Any fellow RPG:ers who disagree?
> 
> Also, I don't know how soldiers actually speak to each other while on duty. 
> 
> See you next time,  
> Deviant Stars


	3. ... Return to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo Ren throws a tantrum, Poe angst and Dophead Mitaka is a sweet cinnamon roll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The canon divergence keeps making it self clear and TFA canon is getting more distant so buckle up. 
> 
> Chapter warnings: canon typical workplace abuse (referred to), depression and unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol) 
> 
> With that out of the way - enjoy! this is a longer one.

**Hux**

Watching the elevator close after Poe, Hux could only conclude that it had not gone according to plan. The last glimpse of Poe’s face had betrayed such hope, but for what? A defection? A declaration of his lasting love? His hand still tingled where he had been touched and the sensation of Dameron’s forehead against his skin lingered. The only man he had been able to touch without it bringing Armitage discomfort. The ring felt simultaneously lighter and heavier than it had for years. Lighter since he felt reassured in their intention of taking up their commitment. Heavier since he had already gone too far. To close to betraying his values for a single glance. Weak, pathetic Armitage. His father's voice was never far. 

When he had, quite by accident on his way to meet Kylo Ren, who always had a knack to disappear at the wrong moment, seen Poe in his preposterous disguise the plan was to stun the rebel and bring him back into captivity. With all intentions of making him see reason and realise the faults of his doomed cause. Poe would of course, all the stubbornness of the man aside, have accepted and they could have rekindled what they had. Instead he had let both Poe and the traitor, who almost entirely slipped his notice, go. This was utter madness. Had he lost all of his sense? He had to solve this.

“Hux to bridge. The escaped prisoner is heading up to hangar B in elevator D5. A rogue stormtrooper is with him. Send reinforcements.” The rage in his tone was not an act. How he despised himself in that moment. Hux wanted to rip the traitor apart, piece by piece and take his time to rejoice in his suffering. If the crime of betraying the First Order or being protected by Poe angered him the most he did not know.

“Bridge to General Hux, acknowledged. Reinforcements sent.”

“The prisoner is wearing a stolen uniform. If possible, take him alive. Kill the traitor.” Really why would anyone put a sergeant hat on a major’s outfit. He glared at the offending object on the ground. Poe in a proper uniform though, that would have been a sight to behold.

“Kylo to Hux, why didn’t you stop them?”

“ _I_ do not have the ability to stop elevators with my mind. Hux out.” That man was infuriating beyond all reason, no reason to hear his answer.

Now Poe would have a change to escape while Hux himself could no longer be seen as responsible if he managed. He took one of the remaining elevators to get to back up. He had to return to the bridge before someone, probably Ren, severely damaged more than just First Order equipment.

The elevator was blissfully silent. Poe wanted him to keep the ring, that must have meant something. Was it a renewal of their promises to one another or a heartfelt farewell? It was a string of thoughts he could not entertain right now. He tried to erase his encounter with Poe from his mind, forcing it deep inside so neither Snoke nor Kylo Ren could drag it out of him. Good thing Hux had years of practice. Now he only had to oversee the capture or order the death of the man he still loved. The man he just had let go.

The traitor knew too much, he had to die before he could leave the _Finalizer_. His newfound grudge aside the target provided a great risk for them if he remained alive and Poe had always been to sentimental to do what was necessary. Hux would see him assassinated to save them both. The doors opened and he step up in a sharply lit corridor.

Before he could even make it to the bridge, he could hear Kylo Ren’s booming, altered voice. It was clear that Dameron had followed his advice and stolen the ship. As the door slid open the impossibly of wiping his disdain for Ren from his face was a blessing. He looked properly annoyed by this cacophony of temporary incompetence. No trace of tenderness could be apparent and his voice must not betray the internal turmoil. The orders Ren was barking were contradictory and the usually effective staff seemed at a complete loss. Should they destroy the TIE or not? Tractor beam it in? Wait for Ren to use some secret Force trick? This was a mess, Hux needed a break from the temperamental force user. Preferably an indefinite one.

“Status report?” he asked the closest officer, Sergeant Thanisson.

“General, thank st– I mean - the rebel and traitor came from the direction you said, but managed to slip inside Lord Ren’s TIE-fighter. We have received no additional orders.” The young man’s voice did not crack.

“Shoot them down.” Hux took a deep breath. “Are the canons ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Aim and send out the tie-fighters as support.” The canons moved into position faster than he would have liked. “Fire.” And pray that he makes it.

Kylo Ren had seemingly given up on saving his TIE-fighter and did not attempt to retract order. Most likely with the intention of saving what face he could. The imbecile.

As he watched the artillery strike its intended target, he could not allow himself to feel anything. The shields deflected the first and second strikes. They would not last much longer. Would he survive this? Poe managed to steer clear of the following shots as he flew the fighter closer to the planet surface. Hux had known that Poe was a competent pilot. He had been one before the war, but almost ten years of active combat flight had honed his skills. Perhaps he could make it? He stomped out the sliver of hope in him. Breath in and out, keep the face clear from expressions and lower the heartbeat. No one can notice. Remain in control.

“Keep firing. Do not let them escape.” This was his ship, and nothing could hurt him. Not tantrum throwing force users or his own senseless emotions.

In the end it was the shot from the _Finalizer_ and not the circling TIE’s which damaged the wing of Poe’s vessel. The fighter spiraled downwards towards the planet surface seemingly without any control. The only way Poe might still survive if he ejected himself from the cockpit with near perfect timing.

“Target struck.” From the other side of the room Mitaka sounded relieved, but there was something else in his eyes when he turned his attention towards Hux. His face betrayed some measure of worry. Pity? What had he seen?

“Send the search party to the wreckage. Confirm if the targets are dead.” Kylo added his first sensible order today. Perhaps he thought himself worthy of a medal now, for the impressive accomplishment of stringing to words of sense together. Hux nodded his approval.

Ren turned from the window and walked closer to Hux. His steps echoed through the emptiness which closed itself around Armitage’s screaming heart. If he had heard Hux’s thoughts in that moment would it truly matter? Hux had seen no sign of a parachute.

“I need a new TIE. To replace that once.” Why Ren bothered with the mask he could not comprehend.

“Then requisition one.” He touched his forehead in frustration. Hux was not the requisitions officer, how dare he insinuate that he held a lower rank? A most certainly should not be the babysitter to this overgrown child.

“Is there another of the Whisper prototype model?”

“No, not ready for use. I helped design it, I do not build your toys.”

The co-commanders exchanged a look of mutual distrust and condescension.

“Why do you not join the team planet side? Track the droid and find this map.”

“I might. The traitor, he was a stormtrooper.”

“Obviously”, he had a suspicion where this was going.

“Your father’s programme isn’t as superior as you claimed.”

The programme was _his_ achievement. The urge to strangle Ren was as powerful as ever. It was Hux who had perfected the programme, not his father. He himself had improved it and the rate of survival had improved. One error in the system was problematic but could be rectified. It could. It must be. 

“One dead traitor is inconsequential.” Careful to keep his tine void of emotions.

“Perhaps we should reinstate the use of clones? They are more reliable.” The monotone of the mask grated on his nerves.

“The clone stormtroopers could barely hit an immobile target in the end. My programme produces a higher quality of soldiers with superior marksmanship.” Hux caught himself adding “And Kylo, I simply must know - why did you not just stop the from escaping with the Force?”

Silence. Kylo Ren’s posture tensed, and he took a step further into Hux personal space. The officers stationed nearby just stared at them, some worried what would happen if they intervened, others no doubt hoping that he would suffer an unfortunate _accident_.

“Would have saved us lots of trouble. In addition to your precious TIE.”

**Poe**

He hurt all over as he attempted to disentangle himself. Muttering to himself “Fucking Armitage. Just had to change his mind that fast.” Poe had survived and managed to get the backpack with him. The sand under him burned through his stolen uniform and he forced himself of the ground. Where was Finn? And the wreckage? “He just _had_ to fire on me. Very reliable.”

That he in actuality had gotten more than he could ever have expected after ten years apart was best ignored. So was his own refusal to accept the ring back. What did it mean? And more importantly - what was wrong with him! All his anger at General Hux had melted away the moment he laid his eyes on the other man. Some Resistance hero he was.

“Finn! Are you there?” The heat on the planet was near unbearable after the cool temperature on the star destroyer. Where could BB-8 be, and how to get there? Worry for his friend coiled in his gut.

Poe struggled up onto the nearest sand dune. The vast emptiness of the desert plains struck a chord of existential anxiety within him. No comfort of his X-wing nor the company of BB-8 was here to cheer him up. Only the endless sands as far as his eyes could see, the only distinct landmark was the husk of a star destroyer on the horizon. A grotesque monument half covered within the sand on its slow descent into disremembrance. A sign of the lack of impact they truly had. 30 years and already the scares upon the world was hidden under the capricious force which was nature. 

Armitage must have hated returning here. The battle of Jakku had been one of the many clues that had slipped out of his boyfriend under their time together. Clues he refused to put together in fear of the inevitable conclusion. What else had a child been doing in battle here if not on the side of the enemy.

Armitage, general Hux, both the man he knew and the one didn’t was born to be Poe’s enemy. Could that ever change? Or would their private sacrifices disappear into the pit of forgetfulness - never having meant anything in the grand scheme?

“Finn!” he called again. Turning in a desperate attempt to spot more than sand. Before the sea of emptiness swallowed him whole and he would end up forgotten under the endless sands. The tendrils of panic were clearer here than on the ship, on which his wit could save him. Against the powers of nature, he was helpless.

Unless? Some smoke emerged behind a nearby sand dune. Could Finn be there? If a scavenger would find him, would the encounter end with him shot or a ride home? He had some water to trade, that should be valuable on the planet. Rushing, gliding on the sand towards the impact site had him drenched in sweat while he kept calling Finn’s name.

A traitorous voice within him, eerily similar to Hux whispered that it would be better, safer if the deserting trooper had died on the impact. Their secret would remain hidden. Poe hated himself for even considering it for a split second, he was better than that.

“Poe? Is that you?” a faint voice called.

“Finn? Thank the Force you are alive!” He called back from the top of his lungs- and he meant it.

Poe clung to the hope that having another person around him in this void would fill the creeping emptiness inside. Not only the physical one., but the one that had struck its roots in him long ago and only recently surfaced. The coldness within that slowly ate away at his soul that he did his best to ignore most days. The feeling he hid behind a mask of easy-going cheerfulness. Could anyone ever take the time to see past it again? Realise that Poe’s attitude had turned into a facade and would help him find his way back? Could his father help?

Not in the war. He had to shape up and aid his friends, not forget himself in internal musings. What he might discover could hinder his ability to lead.

“Can you get this off me?” Finn’s voice was closer this time.

“I still can’t see you. Where are you?” He looked around.

Finn grunted. “Near the impact. Hurry.”

The faint smoke of the crash site was close. The sand got inside his boots and made poor foundation under his feet, but Poe had found new energy. There was water and he wasn’t alone. All else could be considered later when they were in relative safety.

The wreck of the pod barley looked salvageable. A burnt-out husk from which all hardware appeared to be ruined beyond repair. Few things of use to a scavenger and even less so for them.

“Here. Turn around.”

Finn didn’t appear wounded beyond a few scratches to the face. What prevented him from moving was a mix between entanglement in his parashoot and fallen debris. Poe hurried over and attempted to lift the mess of him. He ought to have had a knife in his backpack, yet his own was safely with BB-8 and none had been found in the raided storeroom.

“Lay still, I might have to blast you out of this.” He silently prayed that Finn would have forgotten about the encounter on the star destroyer. A vain hope.

“Do it, we can’t stay long. The First Order will want to confirm that we are dead. The search party might already be on their way.”

Poe lifted his blaster alternated between shots and tearing through the rough fabric- focusing on the area around Finn’s hands. “Damn! This is too slow.”

A faint sound could be heard in the background.

“Are you hurt?” he kept tugging at the binds. One hand free.

“My shoulder. It is at least … dislocated.”

He hummed in response. “Does that sound like a First Order engine?” He wanted to take a sip of his water and his throat burned. The fabric cut into his fingers. The distant sound seemed to creep closer.

“What?”

“Never mind.” It had an uneven quality to it that sounded as if engine of the machine was aged and worn. First Order tech usually was up to better standard. The one approaching could still be an adversary though.

“We have to get out of here!”

“Yes. What was that before?”

“The what? My state-of-the-art flying? Underwhelmed by our lack of success? I am mortified you saw me get hit.”

“No” as Finn got his second arm free, he winced. The expression on his face was hard.

“Then what?”

“With ge-”

Poe pretended not to hear him. “We would really need a guy like you in the Resistance. Your knowledge of that ship was extraordinary, not to mention you aiding my escape will speak well of your intentions.” The encounter was to raw and personal.

“Really?” Finns face lit up for a moment. “You don’t think I am to much of a coward for it?”

The sound of the engine was steadily getting closer and it was hiding an underlying, familiar sound. He could not place it.

“No! The first man to, with our knowledge, defect the Order – that is brave in my book! You must consider it.” Another knot broke and they could pull the remainder off Finn. “There you go buddy. Now we only have to get out of here.”

“But, you said you would…”

Poe turned towards the origin of the sound a worries over Hux temporally disappeared. “It is BB-8!”’

“What?”

“With the driver! It must be.”

“Who?”

“My droid! He must have found a friend.” He pulled Finn up to his legs.

“You still have to tell me about … that” the last word was spat out.

“Later!”

“I mean it.”

“I…” Poe faltered even as he got a visual of his friend approaching with an unknown woman. “will.” All bluster had gone out of him.

Finn gave him an undecipherable look.

“We knew each other, before. I will tell you more later if. If.”

Finn just stared at him.

“It would be better for all if you didn’t tell anyone about that. As a favour.” He trailed of “but I will give an explanation.”

“I hope so. Is that the droid the Order was looking for?”

A small smile returned to Poe’s lips. “Yes.”

He was greeted by a series of happy beeps in binary and rushed forward to meet his old friend.

“BB-8 I have missed you so much! How are you! Who is this?” He sat down and pulled BB-8 close to him. “I am so sorry I abandoned you.”

“ _Rey = friend. Saved me from enemy=troopers. Poe_ _≠_ _abandon BB-8”_ BB-8 beeped.

_“_ Thank you, for saving him. I am Poe.” He stood up and reached out his hand towards Rey. The left hand still resting on his friend’s warm plate. He would not let him go again.

She hesitated before she took it. “Rey, I couldn’t leave him.” She smiled and looked between him and Finn. “I want to join the Resistance.” Something sparkled in her eyes, how he wished he felt like that again. “BB-8 mentioned you were part of it.”

“This is Finn, I hope he wants to join too. But we should get away from here.” He looked down at BB-8. “I hope you haven’t spilled any resistance secrets.” A series of wounded beeps followed.

“Good! I knew I could rely on you.”

Happy beeps and exclamations.

“Can your ride take all three of us, and the droid?” Finn asked.

“Not for long.” She looked at her rust bucket of a speeder and shrugged.

“ _How - > Poe escape?”_

“I got some help, mostly from Finn here.”

“ _Mostly? Answer_ _≠_ _logic._ ”

“That is one way of describing it.” Finn said.

Poe shrugged his shoulders. “I just used my superior charm and got aid from an unexpected source.” Finn shook his head with an expression of mild disgust. Rey started to say something but ultimately decided to remain silent.

“I am the First Order whisperer. They can't help but defect when they see my dashing smile” He said with a flippant tone and a careless gesture with his hand while his heart ached. "and the Resistance ability to spread hope." he added more solemnly. BB-8 seemed to know that he ought to save his questions for later.

“He still ordered them to fire on us. Unclear success.”

“You wound me! But we should not push our luck and stand around like a target.” They all managed to squeeze together on the small ride with some effort. “We must get ourselves a ride from Jakku.”

Rey smiled as she started the engine “I have an idea.”

**Hux**

His throat and upper body ached. Leaning against the door of his cabin Hux forced down a whimper. Still weak after all these years. His father’s voice and that of Ren and the Supreme Leader merged in his head into one tormentor. Mocking him for his inability to defend himself.

Calling Ren out on the bridge had been a far cry from smart, yet he knew he was, for the moment, indispensable enough for it to be life threatening. It had not stopped Ren from taking out his anger in front of their subordinates. Under it all he bore it with a stoic expression and detachment mastered from years of abuse. Only now in the relative safety of his own rooms he could let the mask slip and gasp for air. 

This mindless rage was not the Order’s mission, he needed to scourge it clean from those who kept it from reaching its potential and purpose. Hux needed to stop this before the Order was fully corrupted by this foolish hunt for Skywalker and Force philosophy. He himself would bring order to this galaxy.

His communicator buzzed. “General, could you spare a moment? I am near your quarters.” Dopheld’s often appreciated voice had never come on such an inopportune timing. There was nothing to be done though.

Taking a moment to regain he posture and school his expression into neutrality he answered. “Lieutenant Mitaka, permission granted.” He waited and let the other man in.

Mitaka’s face was paler than usual, the worried sheen on his skin clashing against his darker hair before he secured the door with care. “Lieutenant?” Hux’s throat was sore. From abuse and traitorous worry alike.

“General, do I have permission to speak freely?”

Hux gave a short nod. A shiver traveled down his spine. He remembered the brief look on the man’s face form before. 

“Thank you. I brought this.” He put down a tube of Bacta paste on the desk. “You have to take better care of yourself.” The face of the nervous lieutenant was exchanged for that of a concerned friend.

“I am fine.” He forced out. “and please sit down.” He gestured to a small, rarely used sofa while he sat down on his office chair. Had anyone else, aside for maybe Phasma, dared to insinuate what Mitaka did Hix would have them re-educated or executed on the spot. The fierce loyalty shown by the other man had created a bond between outside of their professional roles.

“If you continue to disregard yourself… What do you think would happen to us if Ren killed you?” Mitaka’s tone was firm. “We need you healthy.”

“It is appreciated.” The words felt strange on his tongue.

“I can only speak for the younger officers, but we don’t consider you weak sir.” That brought a slight smile to his lips, he appreciated the gesture. “No matter if you go to the med bay or not.”

“I know what my father’s peers think of me.” To them he would always remain the weak, pathetic Armitage no matter what rank or titled he achieved. “ _We_ are the future of the Order.” Another man might have embraced or touched the shoulder of their friend, but to Hux the touch of others was uncomfortable.

“Plans for that?”

“They will realise the folly in nostalgia.”

“I wish we -” Hux gave him a stern look, some things could not be uttered even in one quarter. Barley be thought subconsciously. “I understand.”

“There is something you should know.” Dopheld drew a breath and appeared to be searching for the correct words. “I saw it.”

Hux heart froze in his chest as his fears was confirmed. Someone knew. He needed to cover this up. The act of killing his friend seemed worse than that of killing his father. It could not happen here. Who else knew? Could he prevent the damage from spreading?

“Saw what?” his voice dropped several degrees.

“You know what I mean. I have not told anyone.” The last sentence was but a whisper.

Did he realise he just signed his own execution? The gesture caught Hux of guard and his surprise slipped through his indifferent mask. “I deleted the evidence and that of several other cameras over the ship.”

“Why?” This was incomprehensible.

“I could not let anyone else know.” He fell silent but he did not lower his eyes. Seconds passed. “But why, why did you do it?”

“You must never mention a word of this to anyone.” His tone was all threat needed. If Dopheld could prove worthy of his confidence he would reward him, but one step out of line and he would feel his wrath. Something in him struggled at the thought at going through with his threat, but he would. They both knew that to be true.

“Not even a thought. If I came here to blackmail you, I wouldn’t do it without backup nor wipe all evidence.” he drummed slightly with his fingers against his knee while he spoke.

Hux could work with this. He needed to keep Mitaka out from the reach of Kylo Ren and the Supreme Leader, but words long denied seemed heavier than ever to keep unshared. He had never uttered a word to anyone of this before. Had Poe ever spoken of him, or had he been ashamed? 

“I paid a debt.” An excuse that was neither fully truth nor lie. Poe had saved his life, in more ways than one as he had attempted to drag him out of his pit of despair and self-loathing. Forcing him to keep going. Did he ever regret that?

“You know each other from before.”

“Poe – Dameron that is - never knew me as General Hux, but yes.” There was no reason to deny it. If Dopheld had seen that the past was barely kompromat.

“You were at first name basis with a … rebel?”

“That is one way of putting it.” He had done far more to Poe than whisper his name in the dark. A small traitorous blush burned his cheeks so he angled his face away. If one only had tanned skin such inconvenience would be less visible. Poe’s warm skin under his touch. “It is as incomprehensible to me. He was no rebel back then, the last time we meet was before the war.” He chuckled slightly, and Dopheld looked at him as if he had spontaneously sprouted another head.

“Oh.” Was all he could manage.

“He was always indifferent to his own safety and managed to sneak out of trouble. Even back then.” His hand unconsciously searched after the ring, and only realised what he was doing halfway through the action. He let his hand fall to his side. “Flew like a maniac too. Never date a pilot.”

Mitaka smiled at that “I will remember that. The risk of that is small though, as I seldom have a chance to speak with our own.”

“My mother fought for the rebels.”

“Did she?” this had not been a part of his dossier.

“Yes, she would most likely have died of shame if she ever knew that I chose this life. I barely remember her though.”

“It never gave you any second considerations?” This was a life he had been borne into but could never comprehend leaving.

“Not even once, I mention it, so you know I … kind of get where you are coming from.”

“While not fully comparable, I appreciate the gesture.”

“Did you ever-”

“No. The Order is and will always be my life.”

A comfortable silence feel after that and Hux tried to press the intimate memories of Poe aside. There was only so much he could share.

“I think that is the first time I have seen you touch anyone. Especially like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You usually keep a more distant approach. Stiff. But not today, almost seemed relaxed.”

Before he could defend himself it buzzed again.

“That must be Phasma, I invited her over too. Please don’t have us court marshaled for mutiny.”

“Just invite her in. Not a word.”

“Likewise.”

Allowing the captain to enter meant that some topics would have to be abandoned, but her company was not unwelcome. ‘

“Mitaka, I can’t believe you ran here without me. I have had the worst day.” She entered and a bottle gleamed in her hand. She took of her helmet and revealed her short, blonde hair.

"Someone needed to remind our general here to take care of him self."

"I can have you both thrown out of the air look." If anyone outside this trio witness the level of ease between them, death would claim them either by pure chock or his own hand. "Such an attitude in my subordinates."

All shared a smile over that.

"I also received some cryptic communication. Apparently Millicent is still alive." Phasma shook her head and sat down next to Mitaka. 

Hux tensed at that. could it be? "Is someone playing drunk with their communicators again?" It had only happened once before and hadn't been pretty. Complete chaos had ensured and it had taken days to restore order. Reprogramming and severe punishments had been to soft in his opinion. 

"No, the serial number of the used communicator is supposed to be stored here."

"Could I please have the frequency?" 

"Do you know what this nonsense means?" Mitaka asked.

"I have my theories." Repressing the giddy feeling in his chest would be in vain. Could Poe have sent him that message despite the danger? Had he kept Millicent all of these years? he must be alive. No one else could have know about her. 

"Sure. Now do you want this brandy or not?” she shrugged. 

“I have had too much exposure to Ren today to survive without it.” No doubt he would be more insufferable tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was all for this time, thanks for reading. 
> 
> 1) If you like/hate my attempt at binary please tell me. Have I struggled in vain or not?  
> 2) Hope you like the interactions even if our Poe and Hux didn't have a chance to interact directly. I wanted to show that neither character exists in a vacuum and have people around them. In Hux case I wanted to give a glimpse on the off duty hours and a more casual environment. The FO are not an army of robots after all. :)
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments, they truly light up my world. <3


	4. Call against reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which BB-8 is happy, Poe engages in some morally dubious space texting and Hux has a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I deviated from the established structure and we only get one Poe PoV followed by a short check in with Hux. There was a massive third part with Poe, but I felt it didn't fit thematically in this so it will be part of a later chapter. This move meant that the chapter count rose again.

**Poe**

Poe had never been so happy to leave a planet in his life! Piloting the ship together with the girl, Rey, had been a blast. For a first timer she had potential and even more promising - she didn’t seem to mind his reckless stunts and had been impressed by most his attempts to show off. Sometimes Poe couldn’t resist the temptation to take his ship for some extra pirouettes. Finn seemed less enthusiastic about creative flying techniques and had bolted in the direction of the refresher at the first opportunity. Poor man. He remembered exact expression on Armitage's face the first time Poe had convinced him to take a speeder ride together. He had wanted to impress that time too, feeling his partner’s body pressing against his flying through the rushing city with the wind in his hair. Great fun, even if the other man had feared for his life more than was necessary. Poe _had_ given Hux all of the protective gear.

As the stars flew by Poe could lean back into the stained, comfortable seat of the cockpit and just think. Trying to push away the memory of Kylo Ren digging inside his mind - realising too late that he had focused on protecting the wrong information. Saving Hux, while dooming BB-8. Could he ever own up to that? The insight of Kylo’s identity and the sense of betrayal from his childhood playmate. A trail of thoughts he couldn’t handle contemplating. Not so close. 

Rey seemed more torn in her initial joy as time passed and her ecstatic expression had fallen into a sombre one. He ought to comfort her, somehow, but couldn’t bring himself to. Poe’s mind mercilessly repeated the same scenes over and over. Luckily, she appeared to be asleep or lost in thought. Finn, aside from his spacesickness, had started out nervous but grew calmer the more distance they gained on the First Order. He appeared content that Poe would clarify the situation later, seemingly fine with Poe only wanting to tell his tale once and was more busy with the added distraction provided by Rey. The trooper seemed almost besotted with the girl and had followed her with his eyes since the impact. BB-8 was his normal quirky self and yet seemed to realise that something wasn’t quite right with Poe. Correctly so, he though bitterly. That ever-shining beacon of optimism inside his soul had been flickering. Not being consumed with it left an empty hole within him, smiling and entertaining his comrades had once been natural, now it felt forced and drew from his strength. Like he was playing a parody of himself and no one seemed to notice how tierd he was. 

He never wanted to see Jakku or its accursed void of eternal sand again. The lull of space comforted him as they flew towards the resistance base in their stolen ship. Or was it reclaimed ship? That the _Millennium Falcon_ , a legend on its own should just have been waiting for them seemed to good to be true. Almost a sign from the Force. Not even the honour of piloting a piece of history could dull the ache inside. Poe could not shake of the feeling of having left his heart behind on the _Finalizer,_ together with his mother’s ring. He could almost imagine her ghost frowning on him. The disappointment that her prodigy of a son could not leave his love for duty a second time. Would she understand his dream of pulling Armitage into the light or would she only see a man responsible for the suffering of so many? Someone already doomed to forever walk in the dark?

The current turn of events forced him to own up to Leia, more than ten years too late. Back then he had been afraid, before it had turned into a distant memory which haunted him at night but without obvious strategical value. What use could the Resistance have of Armitage’s favourite opera, taste in food or his morning hair routine? Targeting a shipment of hair gel would not, despite how ridiculous a plan it was, impact the morale of the First Order. All it would result in would most likely be an annoyed Armitage, and no additional benefits to anyone. Their history would not have helped him nor his cause. He had never expected reaching this level of proximity to Hux again, that the flame would rise up and cover him completely. Admitting this to Leia was a conversation he never wanted to have, even with the painfully convenient knowledge of her own son as emergency backup. After the death of his mom Poe had looked up to the general princess like a hero and second mother. Yet he held no illusions of her not using his confession in her favour. To some extent he could share her sentiment, if it would have been possible blackmail on any other enemy combatant, he would have let her use it. With only a small protest in his heart demanding to fight a more honourable way. If Leia attempted to wound Armitage with his involvement in the escape, he would fight against it. Disapproving looks or threats of demotions would not silence him. He needed to spin this in a harmless way in order to protect both sides. If possible. Was it possible? Poe wished he could just fly away from his problem and pretend it was never there.

Leia had been a prominent politician for a reason and politics was game he had never bothered to learn. Both generals he cared for understood the dance in a way he never could. He did realise that telling Leia personally was better than her learning via Finn or a rumour, so he had to do it. Had to own up to his past. He would need his wits to protect his beloved enemy. How she would despise him! Her best pilot utterly and completely in love with the left hand of the devil. How he given his heart to a man regarded by his peers as a monster.

The guilt of not confessing to his dad and the urge to remain silent fought inside him. After their encounter and his actions on the Star Destroyer he knew that he still loved Hux, and while they might not know each other anymore… it had not dimmed the onslaught of emotion Poe felt in his presence.

Them becoming reacquainted was inevitable. The fluttering in his heart and the warm feeling of Armitage's touched still lingered, his body had not reacted to another like this since their last meeting. Both the impact of the last ten years and the feeling of time having stood still since that last kiss, was just as unbearable. They could not go back, but Poe would not give up on the reawakening seed and would tend to it. 

Sending the message about Millicent had been childish – and a long shot at best. Would it ever reach Armitage? Would he reply? The commlink in his pocket was his secret and would remain so. The stars passed impossibly fast beside him and yet to slow. They disappeared at once in the right and wrong direction. He would not give it up. After what he considered a mission well done no one should bother to look through his belongings. He would return with not only the promised map, but with the added bonus of a near legendary ship and two new recruits. He should be untouchable for a while. This could also be beneficial to their cause slim as the changes were. It was his one connection to Armitage, and he would hold on to it. Shameful or not.

“You know, I had never planned to leave Jakku.” Rey’s voice was small and yet it startled him. He had almost forgotten she was there. She rested her head against the top of the chair and faced his direction.

“Why not? It is not exactly paradise.”

“I was waiting for my parents.” She bit her lip and he could see her nails digging into the skin of her hands. “They never returned, no matter how many years passed.”

What did one reply to that? “I… I am sorry to hear it. Perhaps you will run into them elsewhere?” thin comfort at best, but even he had managed to run into Armitage at the worst and best place possible. He couldn’t tell her of that though.

“Not very likely, but thanks. I feel both guilty and free. It just feels... suffocating to even consider being trapped there again.”

“I could never bear that my days looked the same, think I need a life of constant excitement.” He laughed. “I look forward to fighting with you. Give it some practice and I will make an ace-pilot out of you.” At the second part of the sentence he brought his hand over his heart in mock reverence of his own grandeur.

She giggled at that. “Will hold you to it.” He could see how young she was and hated that she was forced into this war, never mind that he had joined the Resistance at a similar age. “I never imagined space would feel so vast.”

When had he last felt such awe?

“You haven’t seen the best of it. Being up there in your own ship is the best feeling imaginable. Almost.”

“Only almost?” Rey was still smiling.

“Surprising? But yes, almost.”

She changed position to get a better look at him. “What could be better? I can’t imagine. Escaping before was the most fun I ever had.” Something sparkled in her eyes. It could be unshed tears or a trick of light. What a sad child Rey must have been. Aside from the heart-breaking loss of his mom his own had been bright and peaceful.

“That… I can’t describe.” The best feeling - the sweetest memory?

How could he use words to paint the ridiculously endearing image of BB-8 convincing the man who now was general Hux to play enhanced fetch with him? Or the awe and love at having your partner accept one’s proposal? Only to have the foundations of one’s happiness crumble as the galaxy was torn asunder. “All the greatest joy comes with a price though.” He smiled ruefully at her.

“That seems sad.”

“It is worth it.” He played with his replica ring and remembered how Armitage had kept the original for a decade of silence. “Every time.”

“I have a feeling you might be right.”

It was in that moment the communicator buzzed in his jacket. The temptation to look was overwhelming, yet it had to remain his secret. No matter the reply.

A slight noise outside the cockpit could be heard as BB-8 rolled in. “ _Poe + Rey = friends?_ ”

“I suppose so.” and “Yes.” was uttered simultaneously to the droid’s delight. He sent out a series of victorious beeps. “ _Finn ≠ well. Worried over Poe’s flying._ ”

“What?” Poe had toned down and was more or less traveling on autopilot. Had Finn not spent his life in space?

“ _Poe’s +++ flying._ ” He chuckled at that, not what he meant, but good that some people remained fond of actual flying.

“I don’t think he is cut out for this, BB-8, but there might be hope for him yet.” If this was more based from worry than flightsickness.

Rey rose from her seat. “I will go check on him.”

“Thanks. I will keep an eye on space.” Gesturing towards the vastness outside of the window. “Give it an hour or two and we should be there. I hope that will bring him so comfort.” She nodded and left.

BB-8 rolled up closer to him. “ _Poe = sad?_ ”

“Yes.” He waited a while until Rey was safely out of hearing range. Admitting it out loud felt liberating. “Do you remember Armitage?”

A confirmatory beep was followed by a concerned one. 

“He let us escape. Finn and me. I don’t know BB-8, what should I do? Why would someone with Hux's history and position do that?”

BB-8 sent out a series of confused sounds.

“I don’t want to put too much pressure on you. I think I still love him. Stupid as it sounds.”

“ _Armitage= friend”_

 _“_ I don’t know, I hope so.”

_“Hux=enemy?”_

“To the Resistance? Yes.” How he wished he could change that! Take Armitage hand and show him the virtues of democracy. He had already attempted it back then and failed bitterly. “To me? Perhaps not.”

 _“Armitage=friend ≥ Hux = enemy? ≠logic._ ”

“I don’t know. Both? Either or?”

“ _Talk - > Armitage? He =fun!” _Trust BB-8 to only remember the great times. He supposed the droid was correct either way – they needed to talk.

“Yeah. I missed you so much.” Poe felt safe enough to take the link out of his pocket. Such a small thing to hold so much hope. His heart beat harder in his chest when he opened the message. There was two. _If you want to contact me, use code._ Followed by _I still consider you rebel scum_.

“He wrote to me!” both he and BB-8 celebrated this brief victory with a joint happy exclamation.

“ _Armitage wrote?”_

“Yes! It is a secret though. So top classification.”

“ _Top classification acknowledged._ ” The beeps sounded accusatory to his ears.

“I know, sorry. Look at this.”

“ _Armitage=mean._ ”

“Not more than before.”

Poe wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or cry as he reread the messages over and over. He would have to send something inconspicuous, hoping that this was not an attempt to draw information out of him. It had been a long time since Poe had used anything but basic encryption, and this would have to be handled manually. Using their code, stupid as it seems to have been at the time it could prove beyond useful. Struggling to remember he typed in what he hoped was _It is part of my charm._ Hux could lie to himself, but he had been attracted to the rebellious strike in Poe. BB-8 found it a fitting response judged by the tone of his beeps.

Before arriving at D’Qar he received first a denial of Poe’s self-professed charm: _Do not delude yourself_. Just as they entered the planetary atmosphere, he got another message that forced a whimper of despair from his heart, _Is Millicent truly intact?_

Had he doubted Poe’s affection and still clung to that ring? Year after year? Even Poe had never remained that faithful, having had several other short lived, relationships. Their engagement never officially broken but had appeared lost forever with the start of the conflict and the reveal of who they truly where. Hux had never struck him as the guy that made commitments of any kind lightly though. Why had he not attempted to rekindle this before? Was honour and duty more important than his heart? A chance at redemption before the war had divided them to deeply.

He typed: _I could never let go._ That cat figurine had been the symbol of all he never could repress. His part of their engagement and a substitute for a ring he never received. She had been near his heart in all of his battles and struggles.

He had to keep up the appearances of being fine. So Poe pocketed the comm link again to land his newfound ship in the most impressive manner possible.

Another happy landing later Finn sent him a dirty glare. The man near stumbled down the ramp in what remained of his Stormtrooper armour supported by a giddy Rey. She didn’t mind his flying antics at all. The fresh air seemed to ease Finn’s suffering as his tensed muscles relaxed, even if his face was still pale and drenched in sweat. The first thing Poe saw when he stepped outside of the _Falcon_ was Leia’s hopeful face, how her eyes were locked on the ship.

A cold realisation washed over him - did she expect her estranged husband back? That was nothing he could deliver. Poe could only shake his head at her. No Han Solo or Chewbacca was on the ship, their whereabouts still unknown. The general hid her disappointment with grace but non the less seemed hurt. She forced a smile before she stepped forward and embraced him. Being touched still felt painful after his ordeal. His body party needing to escape the touch and rushing towards its familiarity.

“Poe, you made it back.” Her scent was the one he connected with that of mother, since the memory of that of his real mom had long since faded.

“Yes, surprisingly.” The gallant tone he attempted fell flat to his own ears. She pulled back and inspected him closely. How he must look with the bags under his eyes and unattended hair.

“What happened?”

“I have the map, but Kylo Ren happened.” He shuddered when he said the name. “I know.” Poe added in a whisper. “I know who he is.”

She did not answer that but tensed up. Guilt bloomed inside of him. Why did he have to do this to the people he loved and respected?

“No one else knows. I have something else to confess in private.” He turned toward Finn and Rey, who had been greeted by some of Poe’s squad members, his mere presence together with the recruits was recommendation enough for some of his friends. “I have no idea where your husband is, we found the ship abandoned. On Jakku.” He added silently.

“Okay, it was a long shot.”

“I will keep my eyes open. Hope is not lost.” he heard himself say with lacking conviction. It must not be. Then with a louder voice while he closed the distance between him and Finn, to casually flung his arm around the other’s shoulder. “General Organa, squad, this is Finn. He is a defected Stormtrooper who saved my life. Busted me out from captivity from a Star Destroyer when all hope seemed lost.” He had found his tone. “Then we snuck unseen through a Destroyer and stole Kylo Ren’s personal TIE-fighter together, as an added insult to the man.” Had Leia always flinched like that at the mention of the same? Did he act like that when Hux was mentioned?

Finn received some odd looks at that – both admiring and worried.

Still struggling with faintness and unease Finn collected himself enough to blurt out “I only worked in sanitation until recently.” The man returned Poe’s gesture somewhat awkwardly. Where all First Order men taught to be so stiff? “Left since I do not kill innocents, no matter what my superiors ordered.” He smiled at Poe before he untangled himself and took a step closer to general Organa. “I hope that will not happen here.” Finn’s words seemed forced out from his heart, and Poe could not help but feel his respect for the other man grow.

“No, and if that was the case no one here would go through with it.” She caught Finn’s gaze and held it steadily. Evaluating him and his intentions. “That does not mean we are not a fighting force, an active combatant. We show our enemy no more mercy than they show us.” Her voice was clear and opened for no conflict.

Finn gave a slight smile and nodded. “You see what I have seen, it is impossible not to fight back. I want to join.”

“Welcome.” Wrinkles and all, Leia Organa remained a great beauty, especially when she let that inner warmth forth. Would he age with such grace? Probably not. If he even managed to stay alive that long, the war and his line of work made it seem unlikely.

Poe broke in. “And this is Rey, who protected BB-8 when I could not and shows some serious piloting potential. She helped us steal the _Millennium Falcon_ and together we took down several TIEs.”

“High praise indeed coming from you, commander. What happened to Ren’s TIE though?” Jess called out.

“I decided the _Falcon_ was a more appropriate ride for a hero like me.” Did he get that correct balance between sarcastic joke and justified ego? He was unsure. His friend just rolled her eyes, seemingly unconvinced.

“You mean it crashed in such a spectacular way that BB and I could find you.” Rey added while Leia seemed to be studying the girl intently. First her, then Finn and then Rey again.

“Traitor! They don’t need to know about that.” With empathise on the last word. He turned back to his squad mates. “Not even I can single handily take down a Star Destroyer.”

“Not that this guy isn’t crazy enough to cry.” Finn said. Poe acted mock wounded and his laugh felt almost natural. If he ignored the outraged cry in the back of his mind to the mere thought _that_ Star Destroyer.

“The Force is strong in you.” Leia broke her silence and almost seemed in awe of the younger woman. “We will need my brother more than I thought.” She said so low he could barley hear it.

He had not expected that. Whatever the girl said in reply was lost in a series of hugs from his friends. How had missed Jess, Paige and the rest of them. The Resistance was his family and was Poe’s home. The commlink buzzed traitorously in his pocket and pulled at his heart.

**Hux**

Kylo Ren had spent the last quarter of an hour destroying control panels and all unfortunate equipment which he considered being in his way. Keeping an eye on him while remaining outside of the blast zone was a difficult line to walk but he was committed to let it hinder the everyday procedures of the ship as little as possible. In the meantime, Hux had ordered all personnel to stay clear of the madman. Not because he considered any member of the First Order so thoughtless, but as a prevention from having petty officers sending troopers or peers in Ren’s direction out of spite. A few valuable, but ambitious recruits had met their doom that way. Hux had personally made sure that such behaviour was punished, but he considered both losses to be an awful waste of resources. Reconditioning sometimes had unfortunate side effects.

The ship with Poe and his charming droid had slipped through their fingers and disappeared to the displeasure of the Supreme Leader. This daring escape had taken place on a ship which quite obviously held some emotional power over Ren; the man had remained speechless and shaking with rage for approximately five minutes before he broke down. Plenty of time for a strategic retreat from what outburst experience had taught them would come. Or rather the first of many hysterical reactions. Every time the man regained his composure the smallest thing had set him off again. Imagine that he once had looked forward to meeting the Supreme Leader’s apprentice. At present the Order had no known way of tracking the escaped ship, at least not officially. Though Hux pondered that he, with some effort, most likely could trace the communicator Poe had stolen it was something he neither had time or inclination to do. There was a time and place for all and that could provide a great trick for a greater occasion.

The good news was that Ren and a smaller force would set out to look for the escaped droid and the map, leaving Hux and his crew alone on the _Finalizer_ before they left for Starkiller Base. The Supreme Leader had in an uncommon act of mercy decide to separate two his most loyal, apparently word of Ren attempting to take Hux’s life had been too much or their constant bickering had at last proven too much to endure. What protection he enjoyed at present would not last long after the weapon was operational.

Poe had answered. He remembered and respected the confidence Hux had given him. Despite the painful rumours of Commander Dameron charming one man after the other, a rumour that no doubt had changed as gossip travelled from one side to the other and had only been somewhat confirmed by their spy. Who naturally had better things to report on that one man’s love-life. With the aura of being a dashing rogue that clung Poe, imagining him with others was always simple in a way which wounded his pride. The man had managed to weasel affection from _him_ , so that others would earn for Poe to was only natural. None the less he had not smashed the last trace of Armitage’s mother in despair or perceived betrayal at his revealed allegiance.

Hux knew that Starkiller was almost completed and would soon be revealed to the galaxy. Before that could happen, he had to meet Poe and get the chance to hold him before it was lost forever. A man with Poe’s silly infatuation with morals would never understand the magnificence of Hux’s weapon and would most likely even consider it a prime target for destruction. Especially with the unseemly hero worship Poe held for Organa and said princess experiences with Alderaan considered. Something he must keep in mind when overseeing the security details of the planet. How did the Rebel Alliance take down the first Death Star again? He needed to delegate the responsibility of exploring the weak points to several experts, so he himself could evaluate their work and figure out what could be done to prevent its destruction.

The weapon would fire, and it would be one of the last acts of war. He had finally had a chance to consider his speech. It needed more practice, but the groundwork was made, even if Phasma had considered it a tad dramatic. Mitaka had the decency to be properly impressed. Before Hux could fulfil his destiny, he needed that chance to gaze into Poe’s eyes, feel his body against his while they both ultimately would wish for a future that would never come. Armitage would take Poe to bed and love him tenderly, because there would never be a tomorrow for them.

Unless he could plant a seed of doubt in Poe’s soul and lure him into the Order. The vivid picture was painfully against all reason and yet all he wanted. A future for them beyond one final encounter. His mind struggled to find the most likely part to make it into reality without ruining that spark which made him Poe.

The first step for reaching that goal would be to meet in secret, preferably in a combat free zone. Hux knew that Starkiller was in need some last raw materials, as the last testing of the weapon had indicated some instability. If he himself oversaw the transaction on a neutral planet he could set up a meeting with Dameron. He trusted in the man’s ability to come up with a fitting excuse. A night or two planet side would also keep his officers happy, if somewhat surprised, that would lower the risk of being asked questions. Mitaka would have to follow with him, it was unwise to meet him entirely unattended. If he and Dameron exchanged superficial information their meeting could probably be considered as information gathering from a contact, unless someone saw the tighter that is. If someone were to ask questions, if not best to save that alibi for later. Nothing which could hinder the work of the Order could be given unless it was the location of general Pryde’s flagship. With how he despised the man it was almost tempting- if any ragtag group could take his rival down it would be one lead by Poe. Such information could be utilized against his own fleet though and was an extreme risk. If he could dupe the Resistance into doing his bidding with minimal risk for the Order however, he would not hesitate.

As this shift ended Hux would research the best candidate for a subtle, but beneficial meeting place. He could refine his speech at a later time. Poe would hopefully be eager to see him too, at least this final time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise Kylo Ren seems very incompetent in this fic, this is partly how Hux perceives him and him canonically being kind of temperamental. Also, Armitage playing with BB-8 I need to see more of this, super cute.
> 
> My husband is not as impressed by Gingerpilot as he ought to be, he gave me a very disappointment look when I told of of my work on this. Alas, no person is perfect.
> 
> That was all for this time, please remember to leave kudos and reviews - they make me write quicker.


	5. Rekindle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get more space texting, plotting and Kes gets a nasty chock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of Poe in this one too, but I promise we will hear more from Hux in the future. In the meantime I hope you will find what we see from him is interesting.
> 
> As this is getting more and more canon divergent here are some reminders.  
> Poe: 1) Poe and Finn crashed together and got found by BB-8 and Rey. 2) They did not run into Han or Chewie. 3) The team flew directly to D´Qar.  
> Hux: 1) Snoke has ordered Kylo to take up the search for Luke alone. 2) Hux and the Finalizer will fly towards Starkiller Base, with one stop on the way.
> 
> Struggled to get this chapter out, so please say what you think of it :)

**Poe**

There had been no time to explain the nature of his escape for which Poe was relived. During the first day back, the map had to be analysed and the new recruits was given a tour around camp. The second day Leia had been practicing with Rey. The general had taken an instant liking to the scavanger and the two had disappeared into an unreachable world since their introduction. Which to be honest stung some, with the girl’s newly discovered Force sensitivity the two women shared a bond he could never compete with. Leia had in many ways been his stand in mother, then his leader and her lack of interest hurt. None the less, he was happy that Rey had found someone to attach herself to after what must have been years of loneliness stuck on accursed Jakku.

Finn had struck up a budding friendship with Paige and her sister Rose, who worked with engineering if Poe remembered correctly. While running to the mess hall earlier he had spotted the three of them laughing together. Poe was out before anyone could notice him. That Finn got integrated into the Resistance felt comforting and if he were lost within a happy haze of newfound friendship, there would be less time for him to ask Poe uncomfortable questions.

He leaned back against the cold wall in his room and listened to the faint noise of the outside world. His bed felt softer than usual after the rough week he had suffered through. A friend in engineering had built him a small fan to combat the crippling heat of the planet, a boon as the temperature keep rising. The heat got in everywhere - wet and clingy. Had it always bothered him this much? Millicent had been safely secured in his jacket again, never more to be abandoned. Absentmindedly playing with a fruit he grabbed before Poe took the opportunity to look at the communicator again. No response. It had been silent since yesterday. Had something happened or was Hux still working? Poe knew he ought to eat but couldn’t muster the appetite for anything but obscene amounts of caf. The mere thought of eating his fruit was repulsive.

Hopefully, none of his friends would notice his current discomfort. Before they had the chance, he had to snap out of this crippling mode. Sitting around on base did him no favours and would not further their cause. Would he be allowed on another mission soon? Neither Jess, Kare or Snap deserved the added weight of worrying over their friend and commander.

It buzzed.

_Dameron. This cannot be allowed to continue._ Poe almost flung the link into the wall in mingled rage and confusion instead he settled for hurling the fruit. It did not splatter against the wall as he had hoped, instead it fell to the floor with a small thud. Not satisfying at all.

This was not what Poe wanted! This could not be! The use of his surname caught him of guard with the distance it created between them. New buzz. _The best cause of action is that we meet in person to discuss whatever this is and how to proceed._ Did he read that correctly? Yes! Perhaps all was not lost?

_How? Where? When?_ He replied in one quick message. _And it is Poe, I won’t call you Hux all of a sudden._

_I have, to put it simply, an appointment planetside in the near future. Neutral world, as good a meeting place as any. Can you make it to Kuat in seven cycles?_

Kuat? Poe thought that planet was relatively neutral, at least officially, but it had been faithful to the Empire until the bitter end. It was where they built its war materiel. It would give Hux and edge over him, without providing an outright danger to Poe’s person. A perfect place to lure him into a trap.

_Buying new material for your Star Destroyer?_ War ships was the main trade from Kuat if he remembered correctly.

_You are no privier to the purpose of my visit there than I am to the plans of your group of misfits and smugglers. Can you make it?_

_It should be possible. I … have missed you Armitage._ Send. He stared at the comm link willing it to answer. One minute passed, followed by one more.

_I have missed you too._ If this new Armitage was anything like the old one Poe knew what that small admission must have cost him. _Bring BB-8 with you, but no human companion._

_How do I know that’s not a trap?_

_Impossible to know, you will either find it in yourself to trust me or not._

_Will you come alone?_

_This is not a meeting I would bring my staff to. Speaking of which, did you take care of him?_

_Who?_

_The witness, the traitor. Is he dead?_

_Finn, no! Why would I do that?_

_You are not stupid, so it ought to be perfectly clear!_ As Poe wrote no reply Hux must have thought it necessary to spell it out to him. _He poses a legit danger to us both as long as he is allowed to draw breath and must be dealt with._

_I will do it in my way, and that won’t include violence._

_You gave the traitor a name?_

_Yes, he should have had one long ago._

_How will you handle him then? Hug him into submission?_

_It worked with you, Hugs._ BB-8 cackled beside him at that. The turn of the conversation had made it clearer than ever to whom he was actually speaking. Poe wanted to keep deluding himself, thank you very much and wished to keep reality at bay a while longer. His attempted at humour was a gamble.

_I will send you the exact coordinates within the upcoming ten cycles. And please refrain for calling me that again._

_Be happy I never told anyone about the Resistance about it. People would fear you less if they thought of you as General Hugs._

_For such an insult I would have killed even you. Either way, there is no need to worry as it would force you to reveal what we had._

_Maybe I would I have come up with it as an insult?_

_You could never have kept your sentimentality of your face. That could not have been good for your carrier in the republic or the resistance._

_You kind of got me there, I wouldn’t do that to you. Reveal my superb nickname for you that is, I might hug again you if you allow me._

_I assure you; I have no intention of you flying across the galaxy for a mere hug._

_Happy to hear that. Would have been anticlimactic in more ways than one._

_Make up a believable excuse, I know you are capable of it._

_Must return to my post now, will keep you updated._

_Will do. Just don’t “Dameron” me again._

He put down the communicator in his jacket. Heart beating fast in his chest and his cheeks were burning for the first time in years. Poe was really going through with this madness; nothing could hold him back. A sense of danger and thrill he had not felt in ages travelled down his spine. It felt more dangerous that combat. Seven full standard cycles, that was nothing compared to the last decade and yet he could not bring himself to wait. Perhaps food wasn’t so bad after all. He wanted to look better than a tortured husk when they meet.

The fruit he had hurled into the wall earlier was most likely not safe to eat anymore. Poe forced him self up from his bed with the intention of finding more. Looking like a ghost of himself in front of Armitage would not do, especially after how he must have looked after the last time. He checked that the communicator was safe with him and left his small room looked. Not many minutes later he stubbled into Kare and Snap who had been looking for him and Jess. Something about neither of them having attended dinner. He would inform Leia of his newfound clue on First Order presence in the Kuat sector later along with his intention to look it up with BB-8. He had picked up the clue from thoughtless First Order officers who discussed their plans before he was tortured, and temporarily forgotten about it in the aftermath. That should stop them from asking further questions, tiptoeing around his ordeal as they were.

“It is good to have you back.”

“Yes, there was a brief second there I was worried I wouldn’t make it.”Poe said.

“That bad huh?”

“Worse. Much worse.” They fell silent. “I need some help to fix my X-wing. The one I flew with to Jakku is a piece of junk now, but Leia had managed to find me a reserve.”’

“Already?” they both seemed astounded with this quick turn of events, especially considering the current state of the Resistance.

“Can’t have me without a ship, I would die on the spot.” He laughed. “This new one doesn’t have that extra touch. I was also considering a paintjob.”

“Sure. I am on it.” Kare said.

“Sounds like fun, the others will most likely help too.” Snap added.

“We can’t have our glorious leader flying in a standard X-wing.” said Kare.

“No, his ego could never handle that.”

“Very funny, I was thinking on adding some black details to the wings. Black squadron and all.” It could also serve as a secret sign to Hux if they meet in battle, so the other man would know if Poe survived or not.

“Should not take to long. Are you sure about the dark though?”

“The risk of confusing my wing with a TIE is non-existent. With your aid I might even be able to squeeze in a call with my dad then.”

“You haven’t called him? Does he even know you are alive?” Snap looked at him with more worry than before.

Poe shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.” Most likely Leia had informed him. Poe had been too busy repressing the memories of his torture and contemplating his secret most likely future boyfriend and past fiancée. Who was almost certainly a war criminal by all civilised standards? He needed to get a grip and call his dad. Kes deserved better.

**Hux**

The time had come for Ren to leave. Fortunately, the man had not demanded a bigger send off or his leaving would have been dragged out in stiff and ceremonial ordeals. The time sensitive nature of the mission had them circumvent all that so Ren and his designated team could take of for their quest for Skywalker immediately. Rumour had it that there was an old Jedi artifact, which was most likely connected to his search, hidden on the chaotic world of Takonda protected by its pirate queen. A woman who had claimed at neutrality while actively working against the Order for years and a thorn in their side. She could as such be considered a combatant and attacking her would therefore most likely stir more planets into the war. Either way, the Order could crush the added resistance if needed be and Starkiller should work as a deterrent.

From what Hux had gathered Ren knew this Maz Kanata from before he became the Supreme Leader’s apprentice, this based on a throw away comment that this would be a suitable revenge for all those times he had been forced to drink tea with her. Together with the evidence collected in the past, the man’s uncanny ability to control the Force and the reaction to the _Millennium Falcon_ Hux could considered his theory of the man’s identity further supported and even proven. Kylo Ren must have been Ben Solo before, making him the son of the leader of the Resistance and Skywalkers nephew. No surprised that he obsessed or the constantly. The urge to off one’s family members was something Hux could sympathise with, even if he found the interpretation of an intergalactic war into family drama distasteful. The Force seemed to carry a taint which ate away at all it touched, including the shining future he saw in his mind.

Together he and Ren walked up to the awaiting shuttle. Judging by his pace the force user seemed eager to start his mission. Hux could not fault him on that either as he to wanted out of his rival’s presence. 

“Do try not to start another war, but no one should miss pirate scum.”

“I will find Skywalker no matter what stands in my way.”

“Your words bring such comfort.” He drawled. “I will certainly rest easier with this knowledge.”

“It makes no difference since you never sleep either way. But no, I will avoid creating more problems.”

True and the chances of him keeping that promise was slim, if the supreme leader had not given his apprentice specific orders without Hux knowledge.

“I will keep you updated on the progress of Starkiller; in return I expect any news of your hunt.”

“Yes, hopefully it will be a short one.” Hux was not convinced he shared the sentiment. Having his _Finalizer_ in peace was an unexpected boon he preferred would be lasting.

“Good luck.” His throat almost burned with the distaste of that. Ren only nodded before he boarded his shuttle. He would be moved onboard a faster ship and meet up with his Knights.

Hux did not bother waiting for take-off, when he could no longer see Ren he left with a strange sense of relief – for the first time in years there was no labile mind reader skulking after him. The removal of this specific stress factor would raise the capacity of both himself and the crew, as more time could be set aside for their actual mission.

As he was leaving the hangar for the bridge, he took the time to mentally revise his speech. The ultimate destruction of the New Republic drew ever nearer, an unprecedented triumph for him and the Order. Going through sentence by sentence noting where he needed to improve or intonate more. _All remaining systems will bow to the First Order, and will remember this as the last day of the Republic!_ " Perhaps Phasma was correct that part of it was dramatic to a fault, but the event it was built around would quite literally end an era. It had to send a clear statement. Before Hux could hold his speech and grasp after his legacy, far outshining that of his father, he needed to meet Poe. The pilot had shown the same eagerness to meet that Hux felt, and those few cycles felt unnervingly long. He had called him Armitage. Had anyone said that name without the intention of mocking him since he last parted ways with Poe? Phasma probably had, but even she had accepted his unspoken wish to be called Hux at all times, especially since the death of Brendol. Armitage, the name touched something deep with in him. Something best left unexplored.

As predicted most officers had been please by the brief, but unexpected shore-leave before the departure to Starkiller Base. The only discernible problem was that captain Peave would stand in as the executive officer, a man Hux never had been able to trust and his ability to commit mutiny was unknown. The captain had attempted to hide his disdain for the younger generation of officers and Hux in particular, but some things could not remain hidden. The man was a remnant of the Empire and would never grasp the fever or purification behind the newer officer. That the man considered Hux’s position as the result of nepotism was laughable and downright insulting, while the accusation of intriguing was more apt it was far from his defining feature. The Grand Admiral had always kept testing him and his father had considered him thin as a paper slip and just as worthless. His way to the top had been defined by his ability alone. Best to leave a loyal officer with the necessary ambition behind to watch the captain in his absence. Petty officer Thannison had been very eager to show his worth of late, perhaps he would do? The man has shown serious promise in the Intelligence department. So if anyone could dig up something on Peave, Thanisson was the right man for the job even if the man made no pre-emptive stike at this occasion the other man had to be watched. A proper assignment both to show his capability, nerve and loyalty. While Lieutenant Mitaka would have been the most natural choice to watch over captain Peave under the coming days he was needed on site. Mitaka _knew_ and would as such follow Hux planet side. If Dameron would follow his instructions to show up alone or not did not matter, he would see to his own safety and alibi. Captain Phasma was less trustworthy and had also expressed her strong wish to follow them unto the planet. If he needed an assassination carried out again, she was a given, but this would require more patience. He needed nor more rumours surrounding him and his methods.

In private she had confessed it was mostly due to an off the records goal of replenishing her liquor cupboard, after too many late nights had diminished it. As long she and all other personnel reported to their next shift in a more than passable mental shape and attired according to regulation, he looked aside for most of the officer’s vices. If they broke against these rules though, reconditioning and demotion was the softer alternatives. This particular brand of carrot or stick was something captain Peavey took umbrage with as well. Considered it to soft, the truth was that with Hux responsibility he did not have either time or resources to create a ruckus everytime someone overindulged, the _Finalizer_ would be run by ghosts by the end of such a purge. If their conviction to the Order was strong enough it would not affect their performance. Passing knowledge of subordinates’ vices was a treasure throw of kompromat either way. If there only was something on Peave aside from him being far passed best before date, in values if not age.

This time Hux would allow Phasma her flimsy excuse mostly due to the captain’s promise to stack up on stims for him. A habit of his he preferred to keep hidden, even if it were an open secret that many of the officers used such substances frequently. It was not an indulgence on his end but a means to raise his effectivity and his ability to work through the nights. He considered this the only acceptable way to utilise such drugs. Phasma had once asked if Hux ran on Caf, stims and spite alone, since he never appeared to sleep. It was not to far of the truth. The only true indulgence he allowed himself, aside this suicidal thing with Poe, was tarine tea. A non-negotiable luxury in his book. Dopheld had taken the opportunity to raise his concern for his superior officer’s health and not for the first or the last time. Hux needed to have a talk with Mitaka, both as the man’s commanding officer and friend. An essential discussion the other man would resent him for.

As he walked up on the bridge on of his communications officers approached him. “General, did Kylo Ren’s shuttle departure as planned?” Her dark eyes hid her hopefulness poorly even as her face remained neutral.

“Yes, Kylo Ren has left the _Finalizer_.”

A relived sigh passed around the bridge as everyone took in the news. Hux ignored this blatant disrespect of their superior, justifying it as Kylo belonged to a separate hierarchy. In truth he shared their relief even if he was better at concealing it. The _Finalizer_ had reached its highest capability again, if all worked well enough the upcoming days, he could extend the shore leave with another night, leaving him more time to spend with Poe.

Hux would call officer Thanisson to his quarters later for a mission briefing and he would give the man an overt task to hide the actual work. It would be a gamble, only a low risk one though. Hux plan for getting rid of General Pryde, that was something which was far less likely to succeed. One by one the old guard would fall from grace and he would lead the First Order into a new era. 

“Set course for Kuat.” No whining brats to contradict his orders, no tantrums thrown or attempts to read his mind. Only the sound of the men and women under him following his command. The course set towards all that he had denied himself for too long. Hux almost smiled. Almost.

**Poe**

Having worked on his X-wing with his friends far into the evening, Poe had taken the last hour before bed to report to Leia and the rest of the Resistance brass of what he had recalled. He had won half a victory as he had gotten clearance to proceed with the mission, but on the condition that he did not leave alone. After some back and forth it was decided that he would only bring Jess as backup. She was competent both inside and out of the cockpit and could blend in a crowd with ease. To many resistance fighters would make the First Order aware of their presence and Poe had argued it was better to keep a low profile. Civilian clothing and all, even if Kuat was officially neutral with ties to the republic they all knew that the imperial sympathies of the planet ran deep. Their industry was not as prominent since the battle of Endor and many companies on the planet traded primarily with the Order, to different degrees of openness.

Leia had promised they would have their discussion upon his return and that gave him some temporary relief. She was planning another operation to Takonda with the intention of finding her brothers lightsabre for Rey, as the girl would be taught in the ways of the Force by general Organa. The Force, something he once had yearned for and now had been taught to fear. It was no longer represented by hope or the tree at the farm in his mind, but as the violation of his mind. No one should have the power to do what Kylo Ren did to him, it had been terrifying beyond comprehension. That Armitage lived and worked with the man gnawed at Poe’s heart, did his high rank protect him from the man’s rage?

Together with BB-8 he had returned to his room for some privacy. The fruit still remained on the floor, the room itself felt empty. Only hosting his bed, a wardrobe of sorts and a box with his dearest belongings. Nothing that truly spoke of it being Poe’s aside from the casually flung flightsuit over the box. It had been too long since he had a room of his own, one that was more than a hastily assembled things which were always ready to be moved out at any minute. Something dictated by his own tastes and with photos of his family and friends on proud display. He fell asleep with these thoughts grinding around in his head. That night he rested with the knowledge he would be reunited with Armitage before soon and the pleasant pull of a new adventure before him. 

As the sun filtered in Poe woke to an eager droid telling him it was time to call. He sleepily dug through his belongings after his ordinary commlink, not the First Order one, and attempted to fill in the correct frequency. BB-8 beeped to motivate him and added that he thought it more than time for Poe to call his dad. They were leaving on another adventure today! Making sure that their frequency was properly protected he took a deep breath and called. It seemed like Armitage paranoia had rubbed of some on him.

His father must have been wating for he picked up almost instantly.

“Hi dad. BB-8 says hello too.” He said as a small holopicture of his dad popped up. It felt good to see him again.

“Poe! Are you alright? Had me so worried.” It was written on his face.

“I… I don’t know. I should have called earlier but all is such a mess.”

“Leia informed me you were alive, that was the most important thing. I still couldn’t believe it until I got to hear your voice.”

“I was captured. Tortured. Both conventionally and with the Force.” At the last word he shivered. “I don’t feel like myself right now.”

His father’s face was contorted with concern and pity. “I am so sorry, have you been to the Medbay?” Poe shrugged and shook his head. He would not go, if he did, he might lose his chance to see Hux. “You should, or at least talk about someone about it. I am here if you need me, for anything.”

“I – I - I thought I was going to die.” His voice broke. “Not in battle, I have prepared myself for that, but in captivity. Tortured. All alone without the chance to save BB-8 or tell you how much I have missed you.”

His father waited for him to continue. Mindful not to interrupt Poe.

“It was… terrible. No one seems comfortable speaking of it. All are either walking on eggshells around me or believing that I should just man through it with a shrug. Wish I could, that I was the sort of hero. I feel so helpless.”

“You are not - helpless or weak. If you were you would not have kept fighting. Both your mom and I always knew that. I miss you too.”

“Thanks dad.” The comment about his mom set him of course. “There is something I must tell you.” That had not been the plan.

“Okay.” 

“I hope you will forgive me and still love me. And please don´t tell anyone else. No one- not Leia, not even moms grave.” The words came on their own volition. 

“The last time you said anything along those lines you were eight and had crash landed the neighbour’s speeder into a tree. I assume it its nothing like that this time, you worry me.” A budding laugh died before it fully started. “I promise. What is it?”

“Please forgive me.” Had he always felt so worthless and scared? His father was a good man, but maybe that was what bothered Poe the most. A legacy he felt that he had let down.

“What could be so bad?” Kes said.

“I promised myself I would tell you if I escaped. I- where to start?”

“ _Beginning=logic._ ” BB-8 beeped.

“As good a place as any. You can tell me anything, I will still love you.” Kes reassured.

“I got engaged.” Poe blurted out.

“What?” Whatever his dad had been expected that was not it.

“I did. Fell in love and get engaged ten years ago. Never knew if I regretted it or not.”

“That is impossible, you still have-”

“A fake. I could not own up to my … mistake after the war started.”

The miniature of his father betrayed his shock and dismay but remained silent.

Poe continued. “He still has it, and I carry his token with me to this day. I suppose we are still engaged in a way, there was never a formal break up even as we spent the last ten years apart.”

“Why did you not tell me? Then or earlier?”

“At the time, because his family was imperial. They would not have approved of his partner being a man or well, someone like me.”

“And afterwards?”

“My own fiancé joined the First Order.” How that still hurt. His eyes stung at the memory and he tried to keep the tears at bay.

“Poe- “

“Or rather he was already in it before. All clues where there. He never once lied to me! The accent, centrist affiliation, accidental slipups to the battle of Jakku – all things pointed towards it. I just refused to add them together, just as I think he did not want to see what I believed in. I was too broken to tell you, broken sad and ashamed.”

“I don’t know what to say.” he sounded out of breath.

“That I disgust you! That I have dishonoured my mother’s memory? I feel revulsion for myself most days. I can’t, it is impossible too… To this day I struggle to imagine him as evil, even if the Order is. He helped me escape.” Poe was carefully not to raise his voice out of fear of being heard, but his emotions bleed into it.

“Is this the defector?” said Kes, voice layered with hope.

“Finn? No, but we stumbled into him on our way out. He let us go, despite having me at the end of his blaster. Neither of us could fire upon each other, and he stood aside and even parted with some advice. He still carried the ring.”

“Is he an officer then?”

“Yes. Especially now the two images I have of him won’t add up. No matter what crimes the Order has committed and those I know he must have ordered done himself.”

The silence which followed was long.

“Do you think there is some chance of him defecting?”

“I hope so, if possible, I will reach out and try to turn him. Then I believed it impossible but never tried. Something I have regretted every day since, what if I had just reached out and spoken to him back then.”

“For your sake I hope he does.” He fell quiet and the repeated himself. “I don’t know what to say Poe.”

“Anything? Never told you out of the fear of disappointing you. Even before I knew of his loyalties, all about him would have bothered you. Accent, politics and neat freakishness alike.”

“It is not how I had expected news of your engagement, something I had doubted ever would happen of late. I will always love you and so would your mom, but this is rather difficult to swallow”

Poe was at a loss of words. Where was he getting himself into this? BB-8 gave a series of comforting beeps. “ _He+BB-8 =friends, play ++ fetch and - > BB-8 upgrade, Kes!father.”_

“Good to know. Your vouching is noted.” Kes said. 

Poe laughed a little at the droid. “Never knew he gave you an upgrade. I wonder - was is the improved shields?” A confirmatory and happy beep followed. How it must have worn on Armitage that his own accomplishment had worked against him.

“I promised I wouldn’t tell, but I must ask of you to inform Leia about the possibility of getting a high-level defector. Also… I am sorry to say it… but she deserves to know you might have conflicting loyalties should you face him in battle.”

“That was already the plan, either way Finn saw us together. He will keep an eye” Poe never thought he would see Hux again and now it was all he can think about. The point of conflicting loyalties was best ignored.

“Good. What is his name?” Was Kes attempting to reconcile the picture of his imagined son in law with this new imperial face? Create something to redeem it with. Oh, it was just Armitage Hux, the left hand of Snoke and a fierce believer in the cause of the Order. Guiding him towards the light would not be an easy task. Seen by most as a surprisingly young monster. Easy thing to throw on his father, no matter how accepting he might be, that was nothing Kes could bear.

“Out of concern for his safety I won’t tell you over link.” Was all he said. Unable to admit the truth, that was a conversation for another day.

“I trust you to do the right thing. It is good that you told me.” He sounded so unbearably certain.

“Thanks dad.”

“No matter who you brought I would have tried to get to know them.”

“Wish I knew that back then. I must get back to work, will leave for a new mission soon.”

“Promise you will visit the medbay first!”

“Love you dad. Keep safe.” He would make no such promises.

“Love you too kid. May the Force be with you.”

They hung up; Poe was not certain he would know what “the right thing to do” was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Hux is clearly not that nice in this fic, but I theorise that he is a more pragmatic sort of evil. The "do stims to get more work done" part is inspired by comment from a friend who works in a high stress environment where most of their colleges do drugs to cope. Found it a good fit for Hux with him being an obsessive workaholic. 
> 
> Poe could really need that hug, but fear not he will get one in the next chapter. Concerning his conversation with Kes, I hope if felt believable enough and while letting more people in on the secret is dangerous Poe needed someone he could fully trust to talk with. 
> 
> Please leave a comment and a kudo. They keep me motivated and brighten darker days.


	6. Preparation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Hux prepares for the future and a conversation is cut short between Poe and Leia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back from a long hiatus. So much has happened in real life, but I hope I will be able to update with some regularity in the future. This is a short chapter which has remained half written on my computer for to long, so I decided to post it and hope you will like it.
> 
> I think I have said this before, but they will meet again in the next chapter. This is, as the title hints at, some prep work for their big meeting.
> 
> If anyone sees any error in the text, please reach out so I can fix it!

**Poe**

It was almost time to depart, soon he would get to hold Armitage in his arms again. Spending time in the hangar before a mission made him exited and nervous alike, today all he wanted was to leave. To do that in a safe manner Poe had spent the last hour attempting to dissuade Jess from joining him. To no avail, his squad mate was as stubborn as him. Instead, he would need BB8’s help to distract her.

“Poe, no! You can not convince me into going alone. I will follow you.” Jess expression opened for no negotiation.

“Fine, we go to Kuat together. I do have to meet my contact alone though, if he sees you, he might bolt. We need all intel we can get.”

“I see you point; I will not follow you into the bar, but I will be keeping an eye on you. It is almost the worst possible place to have a meeting, are you sure this is safe.”

“Nothing is safe in war; you know this too. I think it will be worth it.” he shrugged. 

“General Organa said she wanted to talk to you. If possible before we depart.”

“Thanks for telling me, I hope it is nothing serious.”

“Most likely the normal, don’t do anything rash Commander Dameron, do consider the safety of you and your men. Or something along those lines.” Poe laughed and gave her a mock-indignated look while Jess rolled her eyes.

He was not convinced though, he though he knew what this discussion would be about. Both his general and him had pushed this conversation from them despite the clear necessity. Her because of the constant pain caused to her by her son, he because he did not want to cause further pain and disappointment in a woman, he so respected. No matter what he had promised his dad and himself, Poe had not been able to bring himself to do it. The last days had passed with a sparse, but heartfelt conversation between himself and Armitage. None of the messages had revealed anything about their respective sides in the ongoing war, and only little on their deeper feelings. Some things were not meant to be put in text, yet neither man could fail to see the longing in their correspondence. “

I will prepare the ship if you talk to her. We are to depart in 30 minutes sharp.” Jess offered. “Great, I will catch up with you later. BB8, help Jess.” The droid replied with a few ambiguous sounds and rolled over to the young woman, complaining loudly over Poe being a slavedriver and a traitor alike. Poe smiled at his friends before he left the hangar.

Outside of what passed as Leia’s office, which she used when the space of the more formal command centre was not necessary, he drew a couple of deep breaths. There was no time to tell her about Armitage, but he needed to open up for the discussion. Maybe convince her that his knowledge of Kylo’s true identity would not be used against her when he came clean. He lifted his has to knock on the worn metal door before he opened. There was no time for proper decorum.

“General Organa, Leia…” He closed the door behind him as he greeted her. The office was a small square with barely more than a workplace with a few datapads and little else. A spartan room for a princess, senator and general. The credits for the resistance were indeed sparse, but no matter the humble surroundings the woman carried herself with the dignity of a queen.

“Come in, please sit down.”

“I… I am so sorry.” He forced out as he sat in a chair in front of her desk.

“I almost wished I never learnt the truth.”

“How did you know?” I that moment her age seemed to seep into her movements and the wrinkles on her face grew deeper in sorrow. He reached for her hand not knowing if it was for comfort or to comfort, it felt frail and small in his.

“He. Kylo. Ben. He was in my mind. Digging for information. I could not keep him out.” His grip tightened around her hand, grasping for all aid he could find as the memories threatened to resurface.

“I failed you, all of you. He saw.” Poe took another breath which stung in his lunges. It took several minutes for him to regain his composure enough to speak, the ordeal still so hauntingly raw. “But I saw him, he has done it once before and while this was more impatient and rougher, I could feel it was him. Maybe he let something of himself slip. I don’t know.” Poe continued with an aching throat. The air simply did not want to reach his body, had his hand not been holding Leia’s hand the impulse to claw at his on throat and neck would have been too strong to resist.

“It is him. I have known for a time. The dark side seems to be a curse in my family.” She whispered. “I am so sorry he did this to you, Poe, can you forgive me for keeping this a secret? For not attempting to teach you how to protect yourself.” Her hand was warm in his.

“Leia, this is nothing I will hold against you. I admit I was very angry in my cell, before I had a chance to think it through. After what happened when your paternal heritage was revealed, I think I can understand. Sad that you did not feel like you could confide in me, yes. But I do forgive you.”

She smiled sadly. "I did not tell because I held no trust for you, but because I was ashamed."

"You should probably not trust me." He lowered his eyes.

She began to say something, but he interrupted her.

“I have also been keeping secrets. I have done something… terrible. And I never told you? So how could I resent you for not telling me. Your own son. I am so sorry.”

“Poe, what could be as horrible? My son is a” she lost her voice “just like his grandfather.” Whatever she had planned to say seemed to remain unspoken, but he though he caught her meaning, even if the word would not pass her lips.

“I. I. There is no time to tell you all now, before the mission. I have failed you and will try to bring some intel. To be of use again.” “Oh Poe, is there anything you can tell me now?” her thumb stroke gently over his hand.

“I have also remained silent for love. So many years.” The communicator felt like durasteel in his jacket, but he did not mention it. He could not betray his own heart more before he had told her the truth.

“Does Kes know?”

“My father did not know. No one did.”

“Will this affect you mission?”

“No.” He managed the will to keep his face clear for that single word. That single lie. Or was it a lie? He fully intended to turn this into something good, somehow.

“Good, then we must continue talking when you come home. This talk has been ignored for to long.”

"You have been busy teaching Rey." Some of his resentment spilled into his words.

"And you haven't been avoiding this, and me too? Poe blushed at being called out so bluntly. 

"This is not easy." he replied lamely. At once at a loss for words.

"I know."

"Did you ever take some time to rest? Or talk about what happened?" her voice soft and low.

"No, I feel like..." I am going to break. I feel lost. "like, I only function when I am focusing on the Resistance." Not a lie, not the full truth. 

"I can't call of the mission this late, but upon your return you must talk to someone and take a break."

"Leia, but-"

"No, we need to talk. You also need a chance to process, I have neglected this for to long. Don't make me order you."

"I do not see how that could help - at all. No matter, I will try."

"Thank you." The general clutched his hand harder for a few seconds.

“Can I just ask you one thing? Before I leave.”

“Of course.”

“How do you do it? How can you hold onto hope when your family dissolves and the galaxy seem determined to fall apart?” He did not bother to hide how his voice broke and that his distress was raw for her to see.

“Haven’t you realised it? It is the only thing that keeps me from falling. I cannot give up, then all I have been working for is lost. No one else ought to suffer through what I have, but if I keep fighting it might be prevented.” The Skywalker Legacy was far from her only sorrow, but the incomprehensible loss caused by the destruction of Alderaan had never left her.

Her answer brought him little reassurance.

“I will think on it, but it is time to go.” Before Leia changed her mind and took him of his own mission. 

Instead of leaving immediately both stood up to embrace, giving and taking strength they both desperately needed.

“I will follow you to the hangar, and Poe. May the Force be with you.”

**Hux**

Thannison had left Hux’s quarters with a new shine and vigour in his eyes, both of the new tasks seemed to please him and that was all the better for Hux. If the petty officer could conduct his two missions, overt and covert alike, with skill and subtility the everyday life on the Finalizer would be further improved. Thannision himself had a possible promotion and a glorious future ahead if he carried them out well. As for Hux, the resolvent of the issue would give him further peace of mind and he had a replacement for Peavy in mind if his suspicions proved correct.

Mitaka was supposed to report in at any minute so there was no time to steal for another conversation with Poe, he needed his wits about him for this. The knowledge that Poe was already on world and waiting, most likely in an attempt to gather intel on the Order. Aside from Hux own business there all Dameron was going to find was more corrupt politicians and businessmen grabbing at power and serving both sides, no matter the ongoing, if low key, war. It served him right seeing what he and his Resistance was trying to protect. Poe said he was wating for an opportunity to sneak away from his companion who had been ordered to tag after him and Armitage was convinced, he would manage it somehow. Being able to trust in someone’s intentions and capabilities to this extent felt strange, unsettling, and good alike. These interactions with Poe kept pulling the Armitage part of him out from its long isolation and the bounds that had kept that part of him locked away was breaking. This slip of control was had already caused Hux several sleepless nights.

Which is why he needed to have this talk with Mitaka. Uncomfortable as it was. He knew he might not be strong enough. His father had always been correct. He was weak. Weak and worthless.

The gloves kept most pain at bay as his nails attempted to dig into his skin, an old habit to keep him focused. Hux needed to pull himself together. To push his expression back into a blank slate and force the smallest hint of emotion away.

The door buzzed, indicating that Mitaka had arrived at last. Hux took one last deep breath and opened the door. He could conquer himself and he would be victorious, this was but a precaution.

“Lieutenant, come in.” Mitaka saluted him as decorum demanded and came in, shoulders tense. Did he suspect the nature of this conversation? Before another word could be uttered Hux locked the door with care. “I have a request of you.”

“Yes, of course general.”

“At ease. This will be a demand not only as your commanding officer, but…” he fell silent and took another breath. “as a friend.” Gesturing towards the sofa the other man usually occupied on their social calls.

“What is it?”

“First I need you to follow me tomorrow and deliver a package.”

“A package?”

“Yes, a key more specifically.”

“I can do that, but if this was … informal… why?”

“I will meet someone I cannot be seen with in public.” Mitaka froze in his movement and looked straight at Hux with a frown.

“Your suspicion is correct. As you can imagine this has to be handled with both care and caution. Which leads me to the second thing.” Keeping his eyes looked with Dopheld’s he continued. “The best outcome of this will be if I can convince him to defect. My personal feelings aside, he is a skilled pilot and would be beneficial to our cause. That is what I will work towards, but naturally he might be inclined to do the same.”

“Have a feeling I won’t like this.”

“If I show the smallest hint of losing my resolve, the tiniest inclination of being tempted -” “No!” Mitaka’s voice was uncharacteristically firm.

“- I need you to kill me, while I am still true to the Order.” Pronouncing his worry out loud tore on both parts of him.

“No, Hux. That is insane! I will deliver that key, even hide the evidence if I must but I will never kill you.”

“I am asking now, but I will order you if I must.” “I know you, that can’t happen.”

“The risk is miniscule, but having you promise will be reassuring. I will not abandon all I have worked for.”

“See, that won’t be!”

“As I am now, it is impossible and a somewhat ridiculous notion. It is however a risk I will not take.”

“Please, don’t make me.”

“I will if I must.” “I…” Dopheld trailed of and seemed lost in introspection for a while, gaze unfocused and staring into nothingness before he re-established eye contact. “I will only do it if you give me a chance of warning you.”

“What good would that do?”

“So, you could correct that cause and regain whatever footing you have lost.” He sounded convinced by his own argument.

“Fine. If you give your word.”

“I promise.”

“Good.” Silence followed that. Awkward, clinging, and cold.

“I assume you already understand you are to tell no one of this?”

“Of course. Now, where am I supposed to meet Dameron? What should I tell him?”

“During our visit on Kuat, I will tell you where to meet him. We only have time to go through this once. Then there is much which ought to be prepared for our business meeting.”

“Yes, sir, I mean Hux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to kudo and comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, that was the first chapter. Hope you liked it. If you did - please leave Kudos and take the time to review. Posting this makes me very nervous.
> 
> If any clarification is needed - In this fic Hux does *not* in any way have an MPD-related diagnosis, he instead felt the need to rationalise away his feelings and memories which wouldn't help him climb. Including guilt, compassion and love. So he tries to make the distinction for his own benefit.


End file.
